Sorry, not a story update. : (

Hey, so right now I'm procrastinating my huge speech that I have tomorrow, I've been working on it for like 5 hours straight so I need a little break. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive of me when my girls passed. Your comments really meant a lot. I miss my girls horribly and would give just about anything to have them back, but I can't be depressed about it anymore. The fact is that I can't not have a dog in my life, and my grandparents dog really helped get me threw the day we buried Poohz.

So because you guys were so awesome and so supportive, I thought that I'd share the latest news with you. Last Saturday we went to one of the Animal Shelters with the intent to get a dog, because like I said before, I miss Pooh and Annie so much, but I need a dog in my life. Well, we ended up coming out with two puppies. They are doberman, pointer, lab, mixes (with a few other breeds thrown in there) and they are four months old. They are sisters from the same litter, so the transition for them has been really good. Right now we are going through obedience and housebreaking, which we have gone through twice before, but now we have two at once. We named one of them Echo and the other Fleury (yes as in Marc-Andre). I'll try to post pictures soon. I should be updating this weekend, I'd like to update right now, but I have to get through this hectic week first.

Again, thank you to everyone. You guys were awesome! : D


October 28, 2008 at Tuesday, October 28, 2008 , 3 Comments

Chapter 36: What Time is It?!

A strong scent entered my nose; it was one of the most delicious smells ever to inhabit the planet. Coffee.

I stirred a little from my perfect place in bed and felt the bed give to the right of me. A new scent entered my nose. I was kinda spicy and made me want to snuggle into the body next to me. I inhaled deeply, 'God I loved that smell,' I thought, 'but it just isn't quite as good as that coffee from before.'

"Babe, wake up I gotta go soon," I hear a deep voice say. I inhale deeply and stretch, my arm hits the solid muscle on his chest.

"Good Morning," he says softly.

"No, sleep now," I groan pulling the covers over my head.

I sigh deeply and pull them back down to look at him. He had jelled his hair back to help tame the curls I loved to run my fingers through, he had a smile on those big kissable lips, and his caramel eyes made me want to melt.

"Good Morning, again," he says leaning into gently kiss my lips.

"Morning. I like waking up like this in the morning."

"Hmm... Then maybe we should have a sleep over sometime," he grins devilishly, giving me a wink.

"That sounds good. Jordan and Anya still here," I yawn.

"Nope, they left a note saying they left around 12:00," he replies.

"That's good, I hope everything turned out ok."

"Me too."

"What time is it?" I say turning my head to look at the clock. But Sid holds my face so I'm
unable to.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"What time is it Sid?" I say in a very serious voice.


"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure." He lets go of my face and I twist around to look at the clock.
"6:30!!!!! Sidney, what the hell?"

"Ah, ah ah... you promised," he grins, "I have to be at the airport at 8:00, and I wanted to spend sometime with you before I left."

"But 6:30!"

"Come on, you can cook me a farewell breakfast," he pouts.

"Nuh uh, sleep now," I say pulling the covers back over my head.


"Sid, it's not even light outside. It is just wrong to get up when the stars are still out," I groan from under the covers.

"I made you some coffee," he temps. I pause at his words, thinking of the temptation he has thrown at me.

"What kind?"

"I believe it's hazelnut."

"Going for the weak spot, huh? Alright," I say pulling the covers back down and sitting up, “I’m up, I'm up."

"Thank you," he says moving to wrap me in his arms and kiss me. I hold up my hand, stopping him.

"I believe coffee was promised,” I say, trying to sound as serious as possible.

"It's down stairs," he grins.


"Well, I knew you wouldn't have got out of bed if I brought it up here," he smiles pulling me into his chest. I sigh contently, snuggling into his warm body.

"Like I said, I like waking up this way in the morning, just not this early," I say quickly kissing his lips."I know I'm sorry, but I wanted to see you."

"Alright, I'm as up as I'm going to be, without coffee," I say getting up from the bed and pulling my tank top down that was scrunched up by my ribs.

I go over to my dresser and pull out clothes for the day; I throw them in the bathroom before heading to my closet to pull out a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I scurry into the bathroom to change, wash my face, and brush my teeth. I walk back into the room as I finish braiding my hair and find Flash on the bed with Koda and Hawkeye next to him. Bran is waiting for me patiently by the door, waiting for me to go back downstairs. 'I'm missing a dog' I think to myself. After pulling on a pair of wool socks I head downstairs. The dogs running past me to race down the stairs, Bran faithfully by my side.I spy Sidney on the couch with Maggs next to him, searching through the channels.

"There you are Miss Maggie, I didn't know where you were," I smile at the greyhound.

I walk around the couch as she picks her head off of Sid's lap and wags her tail at me, waiting for me to pet her head. I stroke her head a little and Sidney says,

"Everyone was out besides her, she didn't want to go out."

"Maggie, wouldn't you listen to Sidney!” I gasp. Maggs just wags her tail in response, relishing in all the attention she is getting.

"What's the temperature outside?” I ask Sid.

"Umm... I think it’s around 15."

"Hmm... a bit chilly. Come on Mags let's get your coat on,” I say motioning her to follow me.

I grab her coat and turn around to find that she's not behind me. I look over at the couch. She has her ears perked up looking at me, but she stays next to Sid.

"Maggie," I say drawing the name out. She quickly sets her head on Sid's lap again and wags her tail.

"Looks like you have some competition,” Sid laughs.

"Maggs, come," I say assertively. But she just sits there and wags her tail at me.

"Maggie, now!" I say in a low growl. She quickly jumps off the couch and scurries over to me, sitting by my feet.

"That's what I thought," I say to her as I put her coat on. As soon as I’m done with the Velcro, I head to the door and whistle for the dogs to go back out, who go stampeding past me.

”Not too long guys, it’s too cold!” I yell after them.

“So what do you want for breakfast?”

“What do you have?” Sid asks flipping the channel.

“Ummm… cold pizza, or I can whip up some pancakes.”

“Do you really have to ask?” Sid asks reclining his head to look at me.

“Well, you best get your lazy ass up, because I’m not doing it alone,” I say walking into the kitchen for my promised cup of coffee.

After letting the dogs in and eating breakfast, I plop on the couch as Sid rinses the dishes.

“Alright, all done.”

“When do you have to leave?” I ask turning off the TV.

“In about 10 minutes,” Sidney sighs looking at his watch. I nod in response, causing Sid to have a very worried expression on his face.

“What? Do I have syrup on my face?” I smile at him.

“No, it’s just… Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” he asks in concern.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” I say in confusion.

“It’s just that we’re doing pretty well right now, and I don’t want to change that. I don’t want to leave and then you realize that maybe dating a hockey player that’s not around half the time is too much for you. I mean you deserve someone who’s there for you all the time, and I can’t be,” he says not meeting my eyes.

“Crosby, do you really think that I can’t handle being by myself? I have the dogs and you should know by now that I’m annoyingly independent.” I say, walking into his arms, pulling him into a hug. “Plus do you really think that I’m going to find a man and dump you while you’re gone? I mean, come on Sid, it’s only going to be gone for like a day.”

“I know, I just worry I guess,” he sighs into my hair.

“Don’t, I’m a big girl I can take care of myself,” I smile pulling away and looking up at him, “Have been for years.”

“Just promise me you won’t go disappearing off to Newfoundland without telling me first.”

“You got it.”

“Well, I should probably go,” he sighs.

“Have a good game, and tell the boys I said to kick ass. And call me when you land.”

“Yes mom.” He smiles. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him quickly on the mouth. I go to pull away but he wraps his arms around me pulling me close and kissing me deeply.

“Oh any advice on what I should tell the media about Victoria?” He asks pulling away and putting his coat on.

“Just tell them she was a bitch that was in love with your wallet and that she melted like the wicked witch of the west when she accidentally got splashed with water,” I grin.

“Ha ha. Why didn’t you guys tell me you hated her so much?”

“Because, I thought she made you happy, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.”

“You’re pretty awesome Miss Shaw, do you know that?” he said leaning his head down to kiss me.

“Thanks, it’s always nice to hear.” I grin, “Just tell the media that you realized that you wanted different things in life. It’s short it’s simple, and it answers the question.”

“Good idea. Should I tell them about us?”

“I wouldn’t. I mean, I don’t care if they know or not, but being that you just broke up with Victoria, it may look like I stole your heart from her.”

He laughs at my last comment and kisses me before going to the door.

“Caitlin, you never stole my heart away from her. You can’t steal something you have always had.”

October 24, 2008 at Friday, October 24, 2008 , 4 Comments

Chapter 35: Oh the Irony

I watch from the door as Jordan pulls out of the driveway and onto the road, driving off into the distance. I sigh, thinking of what that kid must be going through, God that would be rough.

"Finally, I have you to myself,"Sid growls from behind me, lifting me up in his arms, "Now, where were we."

"Well, I was making dinner, and then we were going to have the left over Chinese food." I reply pretending to have difficulty remembering.

"Really, cause I thought we were right about... here,"he replies fitting his mouth on mine.

He kicks the door shut and begins to carry me up to my bedroom. My heart begins to race and I can feel his racing under the palm I have placed on his chest. However, we get half way up the stairs and there is a knock on the door.

"Are you fucking kidding?!" he snaps in reply.

I sigh as he gently puts me down and I run upstairs to find a shirt before returning to the door. As I approach the end of the steps I find that Sidney has already opened it. I step next to him to see a woman about my age, with tears in her big green eyes.

"I didn't know who else to come to," she says looking at me.

"Oh, Anya, come in. Jordan was just here," I reply, my heart going out to her.

"So you know everything then," she says ringing her hands as she comes in.

"Yeah, Jordan told us. But I'd still like to hear you're half of it," I say in a voice as comforting as possible.

She tells me her half of the story, which is similar to Jordan's. She said about how terrified she was at his response and how she broke down after he left.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't spoken to my family in years and my friend is studying abroad in Spain this year," she cried in panic mode.

"How about you just spend the night here, okay. And I'll make you some tea,"I say rubbing her back and trying to comfort her.

She nodds in response before I leave her to sit on the couch alone so I can retreat into the kitchen to get her tea. I find Sidney leaning on the counter,

"Well?" he asks.

"Well she..." I say reaching over to turn on the stove, but I find that it's already on.

"Way ahead of you,"he replies.

"Thanks. She told me basically the same story Jordan told us. The poor girl is panicking. She's pregnant and doesn't have family to be there for her, plus she just lost 'possibly the love of her life'," I say quoting her. Sidney's eyes widen in surprise at my last comment.

"Yeah, she slipped that she fell in love with Jordan, and she doesn't think that he loves her back. So she is planning on leaving and maybe going to Colorado, apparently an old college friend lives there. Any of this sound familiar?" I say sarcastically.

"The falling in love and then leaving before you find out that the guy you love loves you back? Yeah, that's sounds kinda familiar," Sid smiles thinking about our past.

"Oh, the irony," I sigh.

"Are you going to keep her here? I mean you can't let her make the same mistake you made. We wasted four years of our lives that we could have been together."

"No, she staying her for the night. I figure I'll call Jordan tonight, and if I remember correctly, it wasn't all my fault that I left. I vaguely remember someone saying they never wanted to see me again."

"I know, I'm so sorry. I was young and stupid, and I should have never let you go. Better?" he groans pulling me into his arms and giving me a quick kiss.

"Yes, I just wanted to make that clear."

The tea kettle whistles, informing me that the water is done. I take a cup out of the cupboard and a tea bag from the pantry. After pouring the cup of tea, I sigh before heading back into the living room. I hand her the mug and before she can thank me there is a knock on the door. I excuse myself and run to the door smiling, I know exactly who it is.

I open the door, to find a very distraught man on the other side.

"She's not at home... what am I going to do..." he begins to rant running his hands through his hair in distress.

"Jordan..." I say trying to interrupt him.

"I should have never left. What if I never see her again..."he continues.

"Jordan! She's in the living room on the couch,"I interrupt him.

A wave of relief comes over his face.

"Oh thank God," he sighs coming in the door.

I walk with him to the living room.

"Anya, Jordan's here," I reply quietly.

She looks up with tear swollen eyes that widen in surprise upon seeing him.

"I'll leave you two alone. I'll be either in the kitchen or in my room if you need me. Take as long as you want," I smile walking into the kitchen. I walk over to Sid who is still leaning against the counter.


"Jordan's here and they are talking in the living room."

"Good. They should be able to work this all out."

"Yeah, as long as they are honest with each other," I smile leaning on the counter next to me.

He puts his arm around me and we stand in silence for a little while, waiting to see if anything happens.

About twenty minutes later, we can still hear them talking and working things out, but we have no idea what kind of progress they have made.

"Well, I need to get going. I still need to pack,"he sighs looking at his watch.

"Pack for what?" I ask looking at him.

"We leave for New York tomorrow."

"How long will you be gone?"

"We'll leave tomorrow around 9:00 and then we'll come back late Wednesday night after the game."

"Wow, that sucks for Jordan, leaving Anya again. Why are you coming back so early? I mean, not that I don't want you back early, it's just..."I begin.

"Well, we have a home game the next day, so we kinda need to be back,"he smiles at me.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot."

"Do you want to come to the game on Thursday?" he asks cautiously.

"Of course. I wanted to last time, but I had been away so long..."

"I know. Ok, I better go."

"Ok, call me when you get there."

"I will. I'll come and see you before we leave, you did say you would be off, right?"

"Yeah, I have tomorrow off."

"Good luck with those guys," he says motioning toward the living room before leaving.

After he left, I called all the dogs and headed up to my room, with half the mountain of mail I still needed to sort through and a cup of tea. I passed Jordan and Anya on my way to the stairs, with the dogs running behind me and Bran by my side.

"Night guys, glad you worked everything out," I say still walking to the steps looking at my mail. However, neither of them heard me, they were both too engaged in a make out session on my couch.

October 19, 2008 at Sunday, October 19, 2008 , 6 Comments

Behind the Dogs

So now that I'm almost to Chapter 35 of this story, I think you probably figured out that I have incorporated much of myself into my main character, Caitlin. If you haven't figured that out... well, now you know. So I think that you know by now that dogs are a huge part of my life, which is especially true about my dogs. With this in mind, one should know that I incorporated both of my dogs into the story. Both of my dogs passed away this week, actually with in 24 hours of each other. One was expected and the other came as a total shock.

Koda is modeled after my dog Pooh. Pooh, was a Newfoundland and the oldest. She was 11 (which is very old for a Newf )when she died, but we did not see it coming. Koda's laid back, rub my tummy personality comes from Poohz.

Flash is the dog that probably has been appearing the most in my story. He is in most aspects my dog Annie. Flash gets just about everything from Annie. His whisper bark, the getting someone up when he's ready to get up, and most definitely all the energy, just about everything he does comes from Annie. Annie was my 4 year old Border Collie whom had been battling cancer since June. She was quite the wonder dog. The vets told us she maybe had a month left in her when they diagnosed her, but she ended up surviving almost 4 months. (and no she wasn't on chemo, she was on a steroid)

Finally, Bran is the dog that everyone wants, and although he is very different from my two girls, I still incorporated some of them in him too. This is mostly shown in his extreme loyalty. My dogs were there at every turn of life for me. My mom commented saying that the only reason Annie lived so long was because she didn't want to leave me. She would only answer to me, and if I was was some where, she was right behind me. In fact, the day before she died, she was very sick and we knew she was going soon, she got up, went to the door, and barked to let me know someone was at the door.

In writing this, I'm not looking for sympathy at all! I just felt that since they are gone now, I need to say how much I loved them and why some of the dogs in the story are the way that they are.
They were a huge part of my life, and made me the person that I am today, more so then anyone besides my parents. And in saying that, they made Caitlin the person she is in the story.

Thanks girls, I'll miss you and always love you.

October 18, 2008 at Saturday, October 18, 2008 , 7 Comments

Chapter 34: Kicked Out

I was melting in Sid's arms as he kissed me so sweetly. He took his time, which made me yearn for more. His tongue gently parted my lips, seeking enterance. His hands moving from my waist and slyly coming up under my shirt to move around my bare back. I smile into his mouth and gently pull away giving him the chance to move his kisses down my neck.

"I thought you were hungry," I laughed softly.

"I am. But I didn't say what I was hungry for,"his says looking up at me with a devilish grin. I giggle as he lifts my shirt over my head revealing my white sports bra. He kisses my collar bone, his hands exploring my back.

"You have always had the most sexy lingerie," Sid chuckled against my throat.

"Thanks," I manage to breath out. Sid's mouth against my skin, slowly causes me to lose all train of thought.

His hands swiftly strip me of my sports bra. His kisses move down my chest, his thumbs teasing my nipples before he clamps his hot mouth on one.

"Sidney," I gasp as he sucks it between his teeth. I groan and arch my back, wanting him inside of me. I lace my fingers in his hair as he works his magic, slowly driving me insane. I move my hands to his belt buckle, but he brushes them away.

"Oh, no, not yet. You drove me insane the other day, now it's your turn," he replies gruffly, before moving up to take my mouth again.

His hands moved to unbuckle my belt and unbutton my jeans, sending them to the floor. His hands moved up my thighs (my bruise was mostly gone) and to my hips. His hot, demanding mouth found mine again and our tongues tangled wildly.He put his hands on my hips and slowly started to slide what little clothing I was still wearing to the floor. But before he got very far, there was a knock on the door. We both stilled, hoping we were hearing things, but a few moments later there was another knock. I hurriedly reached down and picked up my jeans off the floor.

"Just let it go. Who ever it is, will think you're not home, " Sid said coming for me again.

"I can't, the dogs are outside remember," I hissed back, "Where the hell is my sports bra?"

"On the counter," Sidney grinned a full of himself grin.

I quickly slipped it on and went to answer the door as the person knocked for the forth time. I opened the door to find Jordan on the other side, looking as though someone had ripped his heart out. His blue eyes filled with tears and his head hung low. Hawkeye stood next to him trying to get Jordan to pet him.

"Jordan what's wrong?" I asked.

"Anya kicked me out," he said in a struggled breath.

I thought back to his girlfriend, Anya. I really liked her and thought Jordan had really picked well. She was shorter like me and had a soccer players body. She had wavy light brown hair and gorgeous green eyes, I couldn't have picked anyone more right for Jordan. She and I talked sometimes, mostly because we could connect with each other more then the other wives and girlfriends. We were planning on a shopping trip this weekend to get to know each other better. I couldn't believe that sweet girl would kick him out, she seemed different then all the others.

"Oh, Jordan come here,"I sighed holding out my arms.
He stepped inside and wrapped me in a hug.

"I tried to go to Sid's but nobody was home, so I figured I would just come here," he sighed.

"Sidney's over here, we were just about to eat dinner," I sighed stoking his hair trying to comfort him. I spotted Sid over Jordan's shoulder, he was looking very confused.

"Come on Jordan, we'll go over to the couch."
He nodded against my shoulder, before breaking out of my hug and going to sit on the couch. I stuck my head outside and whistled calling the dogs inside. Sidney came over while I waited for the dogs to come in.

"What's with Staalzy?" he asked in a whisper.

"He said Anya kicked him out, but that's all I got out of him at the moment."
He nodded and walked over to the couch.

"What's up Staalzy?" I heard him ask, as I waited for Koda to come in. I stepped out on the porch, the coldness hitting my body like a punch. 'I should probably put a shirt on,' I thought.

"Koda, lets go!" I called out into the darkness. Soon enough, Koda came lumbering up the porch steps and into the house with Bran fallowing close behind.I went back into the living room to see what Jordan had to say. I sit down next to him on the couch and rub his broad back, like you would trying to comfort a little kid.

"What happened," I ask quietly. Both Sid, who is sitting in the chair across from us, and I wait patiently for Jordan's answer. He take a shaky breath in and begins his story.

"I went home tonight after having a blast here and Anya was sitting at the kitchen room table waiting for me. She had her hands on her head and she looked really stressed out. She looked at me and said "I have to tell you something." She told me she had been a little late and she has been getting kinda sick in the morning. Any way, she took a pregnancy test and it turned out positive."

"Congrats man,"Sid said grinning ear to ear. I shook my head in response giving him a glare, which immediately made him shut up.

"Then what happened Jordan, why did she kick you out?" I asked gently.

"I... I don't know, I was just completely shocked. I mean we were always so careful and everything. I don't think I can handle being a dad. Not now, I'm only 23, I'm not cut out to be a father. Not now, and Anya and I haven't been together that long. I'm just so confused."

"Jordan, you need to tell me why Anya kicked you out of the house before I can help you," I reply softly but firmly.

"Well, I told her that I didn't think I could handle this right now, and she just kinda lost it. She went on saying that she had just started her career and that the timing for a baby was horrible, but that she couldn't do anything about it. I told her, that maybe it wasn't mine, ya know, cause who's to really know..."

"Jordan Staal!! Anya would never cheat on you, how could you even think such a thing," I cry out in surprise. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to turn into my mother there, go on," I say shaking my head. Good Lord, I was just like her sometimes.

"Well, she said that if I didn't want to be there then she wanted me out of the house. God, you should have seen her, those beautiful green eyes were filled to the brim with tears. It ripped my heart out seeing her that way. But before I could say anything she threw me out. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do," He cries taking his gorgeous head in his hands.

This is were all those psychology classes kicked in, I think.
"You want to know what I think," I ask him quietly. I look over at Sid who was waiting for me to answer.

"That I'm a horrible person and that I should just go rot in hell for what I've done,"he sobs.

"Jordan. Come on Jordan look at me," I plead with him. His big watery blue eyes look up at me, and I wince at the pain I see in them.

"You are one of the best guys I know. You're sweet, kind, and you always know how to make me laugh."

"You're and awesome friend, you're always there when you're needed," Sid adds.

"You're fun to be around and everyone likes you,"I nod in agreement.

"Not Anya," he replies bitterly.

"Jordan, whether you want to believe it right now or not, Anya cares for you more than you think. She cares for you enough to tell you that she's pregnant with your baby instead of running off. She wants to have your baby and she want you to be there too."

"But I can't be a father, I don't know the first thing about having kids!" he says throwing his hands up in frustration.

"No one knows what there doing there first time around. Whether you're prepared for it or not, Anya is having your baby. You are going to be a father and I'm sure that Anya doesn't know what she's doing either."

"But... I..."

"Listen to me, you are going to make an awesome father. And you have a whole hockey team to support you, some of whom have kids of their own. "

"Yeah, we've all seen how you are with kids, they all love you. And you're kids are going to love you even more," Sidney chimes in,"Just imagine, coming home after a long trip on the road to be greeted by a little kid, who thinks you are the best guy in the world, no matter how badly you play."

"You're right. God, what have I done, I need to talk to Anya," he says getting up from the couch.

"Yeah, go do that. If you need anything we'll be here," Sid grins.

"Both of you?" Jordan grins mischievously causing me to turn a shade of red similar to the shade of Sid's face. "Oh, and Caitlin, that's a nice shirt you're wearing," he grins again motioning to my sports bra and lack of shirt.

He heads to the door and opens it to step out.

"Oh, and Jordan!" I call after him.

"Yeah," he asks turning around.

"Congratulations!" I smile.

"Thanks. For everything," he grins.

October 13, 2008 at Monday, October 13, 2008 , 6 Comments

Creative Commons License
Discovering...Love? by AS is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.