Chapter 80: Yes

I watch as the milk makes a spiral in the hot dark brown liquid. Could I? Should I? Would I? I gently stir my concoction around in the porcelain mug, the metal spoon clinking on the sides of the cup.

“Caitlin, will you please say something? You haven’t said a word since we got to the house, just ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’” he says quietly, looking at me from across the old wooden table. Maggie had her head in is lap and Finn and Ty both lay at my feet alert and ready to jump at any sign of trouble.

“I just don’t think I can Sidney,” I sigh shaking my head.

“Please, if not for you or me, at least for the baby,” he begs, “He or she deserves to have a father.”

“I know, I know. Sidney, I would never deprive you of the baby. It’s just as much yours as, it is mine,” I whisper, threading my fingers through my hair and pushing it out of my face.

He stands up, coming to kneel by my chair. He brings my chin up gently with his warm hand so that I will look him in the eye, his eyes turning a greener color as they silently pleaded with me. Concern and fatigue showed in the rawness of his face. He seemed very tired. I could faintly smell his spicy cologne, more of a comforting smell than I would like to admit. I had never seen him more vulnerable than I was seeing him now, and I doubt that I will ever see him this broken again. At least I hoped I would never see him this broken again, it was almost as painful as me being broken. . . almost.

“Look, I know I’ve hurt you, way too many times. But you can trust me, I will do anything to get you back in my life. Both of you. I’ve already missed what, 4 months of your pregnancy? I don’t want to miss the rest of it. I want to watch you get bigger as my child grows inside you. I want to be there when he or she is born. I want to go to all the doctor’s appointments from here on out. I will be there every moment that my schedule allows for.”

“But what about me, Sid? What about what I want?” I ask quietly, “I want you to be there, I do. But I have a life in Utah now. I love my job there; I’m actually making a difference there. These dogs, they can be adopted after I help get them straightened out. Here I was just training dogs. The dogs at Best Friends really need my training.”

“You were making a difference here. You were helping train people and their dogs so that they didn’t need to be “fixed.” You saved Sam. Caitlin, if you hadn’t adopted him he would be dead. But instead he is one of Tanger’s best friends. You helped my sister get over her fear of dogs. You helped me open my eyes to what a dog could be, and to what a partnership was without ever being in one. You had the perfect relationship,” he whispers.

“What partnership? I didn’t have a partner,” I say confused. No one worked with me but Mary, but she was just my secretary. I inhale sharply, “Bran?”

“Bran. Bran was your partner. It seemed like I was always living in his shadow, and for once I was jealous of someone else, and that someone was a dog. I felt like I could never measure up to him, because he was always there for you. Always putting you first.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?” I ask.

“Because it just would have started a fight. There was really nothing that could be done about it, he was who you really loved,” he smiles weakly at me.

“Yes, but I loved you too,” I shook my head at him.

“But he was first. Looking back I can understand why, but I was just never very good at sharing or being in second place. Plus, Bran helped me too. I knew you would be safe with him. I mean, sure you have all the dogs, but Bran would have done anything for you. Caitlin, I’ve seen married couples with less of a connection than you had with Bran.”

I nod, the tears falling faster now.

“I’m so sorry you lost him, Caitlin. I know how much he meant to you,” Sid says, using his thumbs to catch the tears that had begun falling from my cheeks.

“Why did all of this happen? All at one, it was so overwhelming, with Bran, then you, and then the baby,” I whimper, before I’m pulled up from my chair and in to his arms. His solid muscle next to my softer curves. . It seemed that he had packed on more muscle, since I had left. But it wasn’t his body that I was so thrilled with being pressed against mine. It was him, all of him. It felt … excuse the clichĂ©… like heaven. It felt like I was finally back where I was meant to be. Someone that understood, someone that knew how much I was hurting. I knew other people knew what I had been going through and Tanger had one of the best pair of shoulders to cry on, but here felt like I was home. His strong arms around me, protecting me. As ironic as that sounded.

“That’s what you had to tell me that night, isn’t it? About the baby?” he asks, his chin resting on my head as he continued to hug me.

I nod, unable to say anything.

I hear him sigh, before he says, “I’m so sorry babe.”

All I can do is nod as I feel more tears welling up, but I’ve cried enough. Actually more than enough, but my unbalanced hormones made it easy to cry more than I liked. I pull away from him and sigh, grabbing my tea off the table before walking downstairs to sit in a comfier chair. I curl up in my Granddad’s big lazy boy, hugging my warm cup of tea. Sid follows my lead, sitting in the rocking chair next to it. Maggie follows him and putting her head in his lap again so that he could pet her, making me chuckle.

“She missed you,” I smile at him.

He smiles looking down at her.

“Yeah, I missed her too. I didn’t have anyone to take my pregame nap with.”

I smile and look out the window, looking as leaves swirl around in the blustery weather.

“When are you going back to Utah?” he asks quietly.

“Day after tomorrow. I have to get back to work,” I say looking over to him, my eyes staring into his.

“Could you not? “

“I don’t know Sid…” I sigh, my hands coming up to massage my temples as I think, “I don’t think we should just start living together again. Right, now I think it would be better to just remain friends. Maybe later… but now, it’s too soon.”

“Caitlin, I don’t want you living so far away. What if something happens? It’s a long flight to Utah,” he questions.

“I know, but…”

“I don’t want to miss anything more. I’ve already missed four months. I want you to be here with me.”

“Sid, it’s not that I don’t see things from your point of view, but…” I sigh, I was getting a headache, it has been a long day and it was only 12:30. “Look, I just need to think about some things, ok?”

He nods.

“I need to get going. But I want to see you again before you leave,” he says getting up.

“Ok,” I whisper getting up. He walks over to me cupping my face in his hands. His touch gentle and protective, making me melt.

“We still need to figure things out before you leave. Please don’t just leave again, and if I call promise me you’ll pick up the phone,” he says, looking me in the eye, silently begging me.

“Ok,” I nod, “I have to go say bye to Beth and Kris tomorrow, so we can meet up in Pittsburgh.”

He just nods looking into my eyes, “I love you,” he whispers, the sincerity in his eyes is enough to make my breath catch. His one hand drops to my stomach, covering the small bump with his hand in a protective manner. “Both of you.”

All I can do is nod as tears well up in my eyes. I was unsure I would ever hear those words, but I couldn’t reciprocate them. I did love him, but I was afraid if I spoke my feelings everything would just end up like it had. I couldn’t handle that, not again.

He kisses my forehead and walks out the door and crosses the patio to the bridge, climbing the stone stairs to his car and finally driving away down the road. Leaving me to think of all the events that had just occurred.

How did this all happen? It seemed like everything was dumped on me at once, and I just didn’t know how to feel anymore. I am so confused, about everything. I had always been so sure of my life, so secure in my routines. Sure they changed from time to time. But it seemed as though my life had been turned upside down in the past few months. I was fighting desperately to keep my head above water and right myself, but I was exhausted.

I had always been so sure of myself, so sure of the person I was, and how strong I was. But now… now, I just didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know if I could be with Sid again, the way he wants us to be. I was unsure if I could be a single mother, hell, I didn’t WANT to be a single mother. Plus I didn’t want the baby to grow up without a father and I didn’t want Sidney to be deprived of his child. And even then, do I leave Utah. Do I leave my dream job and all that I have worked for? This was the job I had dreamed about since I was little, and I never thought it would be made a reality. And now here it was, I was working just as I wanted to and I loved it. But now, I felt as though I had to give it up. Give up my dreams for life. When you’re young, it’s as if everything will work out, that you have your dreams and you know you are going to conquer them. But what happens when life gets in the way? Even though I had 5 more months to officially meet my child, his or her life was more important. But even still, could I move back to Pittsburgh? I couldn’t be the stay at home mom. I would go insane! I needed my work, I needed my dogs. I’m so confused. I have no idea what to do.

And then there is telling everyone. I had told my family of course, and Beth and Kris knew. I had finally told the person who matters most, the father of the child. But when the father of your child is labeled as “Canada’s Golden Boy” and the “Face of the NHL” how do you tell, not only his family and the Penguins Organization, but the whole world that Sidney Crosby was about to be a father to a child conceived out of wedlock? I can see the chat rooms now, calling me a whore and a slut. Questions would undoubtedly surface as to whether the child was Sid’s or not, especially since I had disappeared almost 4 months ago. Not to mention that I had just gotten on good terms with his father before I had left.

What were we going to do? What was I going to do?


I jump as Flash’s urgent bark snaps me out of my thoughts. All the dogs were waiting by the door, apparently needing out.

“Oops, sorry guys,” I laugh, opening the door so that they could go out.

Sid’s POV

A Dad. I was going to be a Dad. I would come home to the pitter-patter of tiny foot-steps. I would take on a new name that I had never been called before, Daddy. I knew it would come with complications, raising a kid was by no means easy. But I had always loved kids, had always wanted to be a father. And now that chance was being made a reality. I tried to picture our child; the kid was doomed to have dark hair, unless Caitlin and I both had a recessive gene for blond. I could picture him or her having big brown eyes, just like his or her mother. God help me if it was a girl, I’d have to beat the boys away from her if she looked anything like her mother.

But what would my parents think? How would I even approach them with this? This was big, really big! Life altering. When I had told them that Caitlin left they weren’t all too thrilled; however, being that I was mostly to blame for her running away, they didn’t hate her. She made a great impression on them when she met them, and hopefully that would help. Hopefully. Then again there was everyone else to think about. Should I keep this under wraps for as long as possible? Could I keep this under wraps for as long as possible? I already wanted to get it out there that I was going to be a father; I wanted to shout it out off the rooftops! But that was completely out of the question, I had to think about my career and I had to think of Caitlin too.

Honestly, I was scared as hell that she was going to leave again. Without a trace and without warning just like last time. I needed her in my life, and the baby put the odds in my favor. I knew she wouldn’t want to deprive the kid of its father or me from my kid, but I didn’t know how this was going to work out. I needed someone to talk to, but who? I couldn’t talk to my parents, that was out of the question at this point in time. Tanger knew and he was a good friend, but he already dealt with this enough. Beth? Beth didn’t really know me that well, or understand my situation. Colby? No, not quite yet, and I think Caitlin would like to see his face. Marc? Jordan? No, Caitlin should be there too. Max... Ha, yeah right. I tap my thumbs on the steering wheel as I think. Looks like I was going back to the one person I knew I could trust.

I pull into the driveway. It was only 4 o’clock, and I hoped he was home from the meeting. I need to talk to someone, and I didn’t want to slip anything to anyone else until I got his opinion.

I walk in the house, kicking off my shoes by the door before heading into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I walk in to find Mario trying to snatch a piece of cantaloupe out of the fruit salad Nat is making. She playfully smacks his hand away but not before he can snatch a piece and pop it into his mouth with a smile.

“Honestly, Mario, sometimes you’re worse than the kids,” she huffs mixing the fruit salad.

“One of the many reasons you love me,” he grins back wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek sweetly, making her smile.

I can only hope that I’m like that one day with my future wife. I had gotten a step further though and knew who I wanted it to be… even if it may never be.

Caitlin’s POV

I knock on the door; hearing excited barking in the background. I chuckle as I hear a soft deep set of words come from the other side of the door, talking to the dog. I couldn’t make out what the words were though; I think they are in French.

The door opens to reveal a man in simple jeans and a t-shirt, with a backwards baseball cap on, keeping his dark hair out of his eyes.

“Hey, come on in,” he smiles at me.

“Hi!” I grin back, stepping into the house, the my pack of dogs following behind me. I bend down to pet the wiggling Rottweiler begging for my attention. “Hi, Sammy!”

After closing the door behind him, Kris pulls me into a big bear hug.

“How have you been? How did it go?”

“Umm… good, I guess. I think. I don’t know,” I sigh, shaking my head.

“Yeah, that’s along the lines of what Sid said,” he chuckles, leading us into the living room.

“How about your family?” he smiles, “How are they? Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did! I hardly ever get to see my mom, dad, and brother anymore. I mean, I didn’t see them very often as is, but after I moved, I hardly ever see them,” I smile sadly. I was actually pretty close to especially my mom. It was hard for her, me living so far away and pregnant.

“Yeah, I know how that is,” he smiles sadly back.

There is a comfortable silence between us.

“Are you still leaving tomorrow?” he asks, breaking our silence.

I sigh, I had thought long an hard about it. A part of me, a big part of me, wanted to do the opposite, but I don’t think could.


I know, I know... yet another heavy chapter. But I promise it's going to get better soon! Thanks for reading!

May 28, 2010 at Friday, May 28, 2010 , 9 Comments


My loyal readers,

The new Max Talbot story, Snapshot, is finally up!!! Hooray!

The new chapter for Discovering is on it's way too, but it will be a few more days. So in the meantime, if you could please check out the new story I would really appriciate it. Hope you enjoy it!


May 19, 2010 at Wednesday, May 19, 2010 , 2 Comments

Chapter 79: Battered Hearts

I stare at my hands, they were small and rather dainty looking, like a woman’s hands ought to look. But they were dry with small cuts and cracks in the back, showing the toll the cold weather had on my sensitive skin. I flipped them over on the dark wooden table, my eyes scanning over the scars and rough calluses that had come from the battering they had taken while I worked. I had never had the lily soft hands of other girls, but I was proud of my strong hands. They showed that I worked hard. Now as I looked at my weathered hands, I couldn’t help but think that my heart was even worse looking. Calloused, scared, with deep cuts that may never heal completely. My heart had been battered and weathered more than my hands had. But like the thin silver band I wore on my right ring finger, there was a glimmer of something more. Hope, strength, perseverance told me that not only could I move on from all of this, I had too.

I look across the old wooden dinning room table to the red urn. Finn and Hawkeye slept at my feet while the rest of the dogs slumbered down in the living room. My grandparents had left for Pittsburgh to take my Aunt and Uncle back to the airport for their fight home to Kentucky. On the way, they were making stops to other relatives’ houses to visit, being that the flight didn’t leave until 8 PM. They left me there so that I could burry Bran by myself, even though my Grandma didn’t understand why I wanted to be alone. Luckily my Granddad knew and was able to convince her to get out for the day.

I could hear the grandfather clock’s slow methodic tick and a subtle chime goes off, telling me it was 10:00 and I had been sitting here for an hour. I sigh… It was time.

I get up from the wooden chair and make myself walk across the small kitchen to retrieve my winter coat and fingerless gloves. I go into the backroom, passing under the doorway that had mistletoe hung from the top a year ago. I grab a small garden shovel from a cluttered shelf and head back into the dinning room. I gingerly pick up the red urn and head to the door. Finn perks up and immediately jumps up to follow me.

“No Finn, stay. I’ll be back soon.”

He looks at me with a sad expression

“We’ll go for a walk later, Bud,” I smile weakly at him, "I have to do this alone."

I push open the door to be met with a wave of cold air. It’s not that cold outside, but the wind bites into you, lowering the temperature. The sky is a gloomy gray, the clouds threatening to snow. I take a deep breath letting the cool air run into my lungs.

“Not yet. Soon, but not yet,” I whisper aloud. The snow would be here soon, but not today.

I begin the short walk up the steep rocky hill, stepping over the occasional branch and kicking away small rocks. I make it to the entrance of the Field. I stand and breathe deeply, taking in the sights and sounds of the winter barren field, just as I was taught. The chatter of the cardinals off in the thicket, the scolding of the chickadee overhead. I had been to many places that I loved, many that were more beautiful than here. But this place, this place held a calm and so many memories. I walk over to the right, to the place that seemed to hum with memories. Small piles of rocks lay in different places, marking the final resting places of various four-legged friends. I turn to the left, into a grove of trees where my two best friends lie, or at least their earthly shells did. My eye fill with tears just thinking of all the heartache that I had endured in this spot. I knew these were just bodies that was in the ground, that they themselves were elsewhere. And sometimes, sometimes it felt like they were still around.

I kneel down between and above their two graves and did a small hole as deep as I can, but the shallow bedrock prohibits me from digging too deep. When it is as big as it needs to be, I pick up the red urn, laying it gently in the bottom of the hole.

“Goodbye Bud,” I whisper before I begin filling the hole back in. I knew that that wasn’t him, not anymore. It was just a part of what he was, it felt as though he was right beside me watching me, nudging me, to try and make me feel better.

I finish and place a few rocks on top of the ground, marking the place where I had lay my best friend to rest. I get up, brushing off my knees, and stand there in silence. A sharp wind comes through the bare trees and bites sharply into my skin. I sniff and pull my coat tighter around me, keeping me warm so that I can keep my child warm as well. My hair has a mind of it’s own as it whips around in the wind, but in the coldness comes feeling. I can feel the three of them beside me, waiting patiently until I too join them one day.

“I miss you,” I whisper, my voice cracking as tears pool into my eyes.

I stand there for only a few minutes longer before the cold gets the best of me. I take a deep breath, composing myself again. I cross my arms over my chest, holding the warmth and myself in. I turn to go back down to the house, make that cup of tea that my great-grandmother would make to everything better. But I find someone standing in my way. In jeans and a winter jacket he looked cold, but the way he was looking at me, those eyes burned into me. I literally gasp at the sigh. I wasn’t expecting to see anyone up here, let alone the man in front of me.

“What are you doing here?!” I ask, the question coming out inadvertently as a growl.

Sid’s POV

“What are you doing here?!” she growls at me.

I had to choose my words wisely. I knew she was trying to put up a strong front, but I also knew that she was terrified. Her eyes didn’t have the red color they had when she was mad, no. She couldn’t hide it. Her eyes told everything about her, and even though she tried to hide it with a glare, her big doe eyes told me she was looking to escape.

“I need to talk to you,” I start, keeping my distance and not backing her into a corner.

A few moments pass as she tries to look at everything but me.

“Caitlin, I’m sorry.”

Her eyes fall on me then and I can see the red in them as her temper slowly builds. Apparently I hadn’t chosen very wisely.

“You’re sorry?! I haven’t seen you in months, and the best you can come up with is 'I’m Sorry'?!?!” she says stepping closer to me, her voice rising with every word.

“I know that that doesn’t fix anything. But there isn’t much more too say…” I say shrugging my shoulders, as she gets closer.

“Of course saying you’re sorry isn’t going to fix anything! Sid you slept with Victoria when we were together. Then you tried to blame it on me not being there! And after 4 months all you have to say is ‘I’m sorry.’ You drove an hour and a half to say ‘I’m sorry?’ Fine. You said it, excuse me…” she says pushing passed me and beginning to walking down the trail.

“Would you just listen?!” I say grabbing her by the arm and making her look at me, her eyes warning me not to push too much, “Caitlin, I can’t undo what I did. I made a mistake, a huge mistake, but I can’t turn back the clock. I should have told you as soon as I got back. I shouldn’t have blamed you for any of it when you found out. Hell, I shouldn’t have drank so much and got myself into this mess in the first place. But I did, and all I can do is apologize. I know that doesn’t erase anything … ”

“Damn right it doesn’t …” she snaps.

“. . . but I can’t do this. I can’t not have you in my life, because it’s killing me. The only thing I have without you is hockey. Before that was enough… but now... now it’s not. I need you back in my life. Because I’m sick of coming home every night with the same ache in my chest and feeling like I’m not a whole person without you. Something is missing from my life… you’re missing from my life,” I say looking her in the eye, begging her to forgive me, to understand and just come home.

“What the fuck do you expect me to do? Just up and leave my job? Move back to PA and do what? All my clients are at different trainers, Sid. I have a life back in Utah. I have a job, a house…” she says beginning to rant.

“… And a boyfriend,” I say darkly.

She looks at me confused, trying to decipher what I just said as if it’s from a foreign language.


“When I came up to Utah, I saw you and your boyfriend hugging on the porch,” I find myself saying through gritted teeth.

“What are you talking about? The only person that was there was…” she begins and then suddenly it’s as if a light bulb turns on, realization dawning on her. “You mean Mike? Mike isn’t my boyfriend. Mike is one of the vets I work with, he was helping me … well with Bran,” she says sadly, looking at the ground.

“So he’s not your boyfriend?” I ask, hope seeming to stream in from the dark clouds.

“No, Mike is married and has kids. He’s just a friend,” she shakes her head slowly, before whipping it back up to look at me, “Not that it should matter to you, nor should I have to explain myself!”

“Look…” I sigh, trying to get her to calm down again.

“No you look Crosby,” she says in a growl, “I haven’t seen you in four months. I can’t just drop everything for you.”

“Well who’s fault is that?! I just walk into the house one day to try and make things better with you and I find that everything is fucking GONE! Do you know how badly that hurt? To realize that you just gave up on me? You didn't even leave a note, I had to go to Beth to find out. You left on your own,” I shout.

“I had to leave! I couldn’t stay,” she shouts back at me.

“Yes you could have! We could have made this better four months ago, but no… ugh, you’re so goddamned stubborn!” I say in frustration.

“Oh please, Mr. Flexibility. I figured I get out of your way, being that my job got in your way so fucking much. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your trophy wife, Crosby, but I couldn’t do it. I worked too damn hard to get to where I am today, and I wasn’t going to drop it so that I could be the perfect hockey wife. Me leaving gave you a chance to find someone that Sidney Crosby needs. That will make appearance with you; go to your hockey games, and wait for you get home. I have better shit to do that make you dinner Sid, my job is just as important to me as yours is to you!” she says frustrated.

“I get that, I just… not seeing you for 3 whole months was hard," I try to explain.

"Oh and it wasn't hard on me? I told you that I couldn't make it up to Canada because I swamped at work, but that doesn't mean I didn't miss you," she snaps back.

"You may have been working your ass off, but I wasn’t. I finally had free time to spend with you and you couldn’t be there. Do you know how difficult it was, seeing all of my old friends with their girlfriends, fiancĂ©s, or wives, while I only had a picture of mine to show? I had the best prize of all and I couldn’t even show it off! I didn’t want you to be the perfect hockey wife, I didn’t want you to change and be the media savvy trophy wife that everyone thinks Sidney Crosby needs. I can think for myself, and I can choose who I want to be with for myself. I shouldn’t have gotten smashed that night, and I shouldn’t have slept with Victoria. But when are you going to realize that I don’t want what other people want, I want what I want. And you, being you is all that I wanted… all that I still want,” I say pulling her chin up so that she will look at me, tears beginning to pool in their chocolately depths “I have been miserable without you. I can’t sleep, hell I can’t even play without messing something up. I need you back in my life, Caitlin,” I whisper.

“Sid… I….” she says as if struggling with something, her lashes lowering to mask her tears.

She looks at me, her eyes scanning my face as I see her internally battle with a thought. She let’s out a sigh, closing her eyes and biting her lip. Before she takes a deep breath and gently grabs my glove-covered hand with hers. She gently places it on her stomach under her unzipped coat. My eyes widen in shock, my mouth dropping open as I look to my hand to confirm what I feel before looking up to her in shock. Her stomach is swollen… she’s….

“We need you in our lives too,” she whispers, a certain softness and fear to her eyes as they try to read me.

“We? … You mean you’re … you’re pregnant?” I stare at her, utterly shocked.

She bites her lip and nods her head, as I see tears begin to descend down her cheeks.

“You’re going to be a father, Sidney,” she whispers, her hands still on mine, which is still on her stomach.

“A … a father?” I say still trying to grasp the concept, “Are… you sure it’s mine?”

“Pretty damned sure. I’m 18 weeks pregnant, which tags the day of conception to around the time when you got home. And… well… and I haven’t been with, anyone else but you for…” she beings looking down at the ground.

"A father..." I whisper to myself, with a small smile.

A child, and she hasn’t been with anyone but me. My mind tries to slow down for a second as I try to internalize the facts. The woman I love is carrying my child and I was going to be a father.

“Look, I know I probably should have told to sooner, but I was afraid of how you would react and…” she begins ranting before I pull her chin up and crash my lips against hers, and explosion being created upon impact.

My hand coming to cup her neck and deepen the kiss as she steps closer into me, her stomach with the child inside, pressing against my abs. Her one hand still on top of mine as it settles on the top of her bump, her other one finding it’s way to the my neck, her fingers pressing against my skin when they find that my hair no longer curled out from under my hat. And much to my relief, I find her returning my kiss. Her lips moving against mine with the same fire and part almost instantly when my tongue gently strokes her bottom lip. It showed me that she did need me, just as much as I needed her. God had I missed her. I feel her hands suddenly come to my shoulders and push me back as she breaks away.

“I can’t do this,” she says breathlessly, taking a few steps to distance herself from me.

Caitlin’s POV

His hazel eyes were the widest I had ever seen them, and for once in his life, it seemed that Sidney Crosby had no idea what to say. Not that I could blame him, but he couldn’t have held in the surprise on his face if he wanted to.

“A … a father?” he says in utter shock, “Are… you sure it’s mine?”

I chuckle, ‘was I sure it was his,’ of course I was sure.
“Pretty damned sure. I’m 18 weeks pregnant, which tags the day of conception to around the time when you got home,” I say unable to hold the twinge of sarcasm from my voice. “And… well… and I haven’t been with, anyone else but you for the last year…so” I say, unable to look him in the eye and admit that he was the last person I had had sex with in a while.

“Look, I know I probably should have told to sooner, but I was afraid of how you would react and…” I begin to say to try and explain the situation, when suddenly; he tilts my chin up sending butterflies racing through my stomach.

I don’t even have time to think because is lips are almost instantly on mine making me see a spectacular show of fireworks. Those big pillowy lips that I had craved almost as much as the hazelnut coffee I wasn’t allowed to have, were pressed against mine in a mind blowing and searing kiss. That kiss had an immense amount of passion in it, making any doubt in my mind about him still wanted me to instantly vanish. His hand came to the back of my neck as he deeps the kiss, sending a tingling sensation to hit all the way down to my toes. His other hand lays under mine, on top of my stomach where our child is. My hand seems to have a mind of it’s own as it find its way across his broad shoulders and to the back of his neck as I find my brain has quit functioning and I am returning his kiss. There was no doubt that we hadn’t lost the spark between us, I don’t think it will ever be subdued. His tongue finally glides across my lower lip, begging to deepen our kiss. I find myself quickly obliging and letting him in to have his tongue explore my mouth and tangle with mine. God I missed him.

Then suddenly, for some reason, my brain switches back on. I couldn’t do this, not after what he had done to me.

I push him back as I pull out of the kiss, stepping back to distance myself from him.

“I can’t do this,” I say still breathless from the kiss, “We can’t just pick up where we left off.”

“But,” he begins to protest, his lips swollen from our steamy kiss.

“No. We can’t. I can’t just let you back in Sid. I’m not sure if I can be with you again, you have hurt me too many times before.”

He sighs, shaking his head.

“You’re right, I have. But, please, just give me one more chance,” he says his hazel eyes pleading with me as another wave of cold air bites into me and making me shiver.

I wanted to, but could I?

May 10, 2010 at Monday, May 10, 2010 , 8 Comments

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Discovering...Love? by AS is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.