Discovering...Love?

Sid’s POV

It had been 4 days since I last saw her, that was enough time for her to think right? For those past four days I did nothing but the essentials, play hockey, eat, and sleep; although I had no appetite and I couldn’t sleep well, not with out her in my arms. We had had 2 days off after that game, but I came to practice anyway, on the ice I could clear my head. Any free time I had was spent in the athletic room, exercising as much as I could. I need to talk to her, I need to make this right. I couldn’t just let her go, and I needed to talk to her today, we were leaving for Boston tomorrow.

I sigh and slip on my fleece jacket ready to go outside, avoiding any interaction with my teammates who just silently watch as I walk by. I knew that they knew something was up, but no one had asked me yet.

I avoid the autographs for the 2^nd time in the past few days, I felt guilty about not signing autographs but I just couldn’t put on a smile for the fans. I decide to pull into her driveway, of the house we share. I had been staying at my house for the past few days, wanting to give her her space.

Her jeep wasn’t here again. I hadn’t seen it in awhile; she must be doing crazy hours at work. I shuffle up the porch steps and unlock the door. I would wait for her until she got back. I push the door open, walking in to a horrific sight. My jaw drops open as I look around the barren room. The couches and paintings were gone, all that was left was the TV we brought from my place. As I ventured around the house I found that everything was gone, all but the stuff that was mine. She was gone and I had no idea where she was.

I quickly run out of the house and back into my car, peeling out of the driveway. She had to still be around, she had her business, her friends, everything she had was in Pittsburgh.

I pull out my cell phone dialing her number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

“Where the hell are you? I get home and everything’s gone?! Caitlin we need to talk, you can’t just pack up and leave! You never even let me explain myself! Call me back,” I say into the phone my voice rising with every word.

I had to find her, and I knew of only one person that would know where she was. I pull into a much different driveway, panicked as to where she is. I get out of the car and see a white dog barking at me through the window of a small brick house. I ring the doorbell and watch as a woman with red hair comes to the door holding a baby. A look of sadness on her face as she opens the door and lets me in. Koda comes over to me wagging his tail, begging me to pet him. I give him a slight pat on the head and look at Beth, who is looking at me with not only sadness but a look of confusion.

“Where is she, Beth?” I ask quickly, “I gave her time to think and now… Where is she?”

“She’s gone Sid,” was her simple reply.

“What do you mean she’s gone? I went in the house today and everything is gone,” I say panicked.

“She took the job in Utah, she left two days ago,” Beth says quietly.

I inhale quickly my eyes going wide. She’s gone? It feels like someone had punched me in the stomach and a wave of nausea hits me.

“But… but how could she just leave…. Everything is in Pittsburgh, her jobs, her friends….Everything,” I say desperate to find answers.

“Not everything, Sid, the dogs are with her. That’s all she thinks she needs,” Beth sighs, “She sold the business, referenced the clients to another trainer. She said if you stopped by to tell Kris he could leave Sam here when you guys have away games. I’m sorry Sid, that’s all she told me.”

I sigh, collapsing on the couch. She was gone. What was I going to do? I had no idea where to find her in Utah, and from the sounds of it neither did Beth.

“Sid…” she says quietly as if contemplating if she should ask, “… what happened?”

I inhale sharply, “It’s my fault.”

“Sid it can’t be just your fault.”

“I slept with Victoria,” I say in an almost inaudible whisper.

I hear her gasp before she says, “Oh Sidney, why?”

“I don’t know, Beth,” I sigh shaking my head, “It was my birthday and I hadn’t seen Caitlin in over a month, I was drunk. It just happened. I’d give anything to take it back.”

“Sid…I…”Beth begins but stops when she knows there is nothing more to say.

We sit there in silence for a moment before I know I have to get out of there.

“I need to go Beth. Thank you,” I say quietly.

She nods and I see tears in her eyes. I knew she was always a cheerleader for Caitlin and I. I stop to pat Koda on the head before I leave. He was one of the only pieces of her that was left behind.

I had lost her again, perhaps for the last time.

I get back in the car and rest my head on the steering wheel, trying to put everything together. She’s gone. She left. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain. How did I fuck up so badly?! How could I have slept with another woman, let alone thought of sleeping with another woman?! I pull out my phone and call her again, the call going straight to voice mail telling me she had her phone turned off.

“Caitlin, I went to see Beth. She told me you left… Just please come back. I wasn’t thinking at all that night. I was really drunk and really missing you, and I know that’s not an excuse. And I don’t know how I could have ever slept with her, I honestly don’t remember much of that night. It won’t ever happen again, and I know that you don’t trust me anymore… but I need you. I love you so much it hurts, and finding out that you left … I feel like I’m missing a part of myself. I need you back,” I say clearing my voice, trying to keep it from cracking.

I sigh and close my phone, mustering enough strength to drive home.

I return home to see cars parked all around the driveway and most of the guys waiting on the porch.

“Hey Siddy Poo, ya looked down so we thought we’d come cheer you up! Where’s Caitlin?” Colby asks.

“She’s gone,” I say quietly.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Kris asks sternly, his brow furrowing together.

“She found out about my Birthday night and she left. She took some job in Utah,” I say feeling like I’m on the verge of tears. I had never cried over a girl, but now I felt like half of me was gone and I may never get it back.

Caitlin’s POV

I sigh, letting my bag drop from my shoulders and hit the ground with a solid thud by the door. I had worked a 10-hour shift at work, and I loved every minute of it. I finally got to be out there training the dogs that needed help the most. The more trained they were, the better chance they had at getting a home. I loved making a difference for these dogs. I loved not being buried in paper work and bills, and all the other stuff that came with running your own business. Sure I missed the freedom of picking my own work hours, but I felt now I was making a huge difference. And I was working away from the city, I hadn’t realized how much I missed being away from the woods. After all, I was just a country girl at heart, born and raised in the boonies. I could look up and see thousands of stars, something I couldn’t see near the city. I could go hiking in the woods just outside my house and could see the wildlife that the suburbs couldn’t offer. I had never been happier working, yet… I wasn’t completely happy. I missed Beth, and the team, I missed whipping their asses at poker. I missed them always being there for me and I felt bad for just leaving without even saying good bye, but I had too. And as much as I hated to admit it, I missed ‘him’ too.

I feed the dogs and sigh as I lean against the counter of my small cabin. I look to my left to see my phone by the toaster. I had left Pittsburgh 6 days ago and I hadn’t turned it on since. I should probably turn it on; just to make sure Beth was ok. I push the power button and it is almost immediately flooded with text messages, missed calls, and voice mails. I got texts from the whole team, and I bite my lip holding back tears as I skim them. All of them telling me to come home. I listen to a few voice mails. Jordan telling me I have to come back because the baby will be born soon, as he says it I smile my hands coming to my own stomach. There was one from Kris begging me to come back and telling me Sam is doing fine, knowing that is what I needed to hear. Finally I decide to listen to the two from Sid.

“Where the hell are you? I get home and everything’s gone?! Caitlin we need to talk, you can’t just pack up and leave! You never even let me explain myself! Call me back,” he said in a harsh tone that made me grimace; yet at the same time it made my heart jump just hearing his voice.

I push the button for the last voicemail.

“Caitlin, I went to see Beth. She told me you left… Just please come back. I wasn’t thinking at all that night. I was really drunk and really missing you, and I know that’s not an excuse. And I don’t know how I could have ever slept with her, I honestly don’t remember much of that night. It won’t ever happen again, and I know that you don’t trust me anymore… but I need you. I love you so much it hurts, and finding out that you left … I feel like I’m missing a part of myself. I need you back, please stop running away,” his voice says, cracking toward the end.

I feel the tears pushing against my eyes wanting to get out, knowing that I needed him just as much and knowing that I was running away, but I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t keep giving my heart to him. Before I can stop it a sob tears free and I slide to the floor, my knees coming to my chest, the tears falling freely and rapidly.

“Why did he do this to me?” I sob, “I gave him my heart again, giving him another chance and he leaves it broken again, just when it was beginning to all come back together.”

I feel coarse fur against my side and immediately lean into it. Bran was always my rock, but him being there to comfort me made it worse in some respects. It was a reminder that he wouldn’t be here much longer. I sob harder, feeling as though my world is crumbling, because it is.