** Remember, the epilogue will be up tomorrow. Hope you like it! **
I couldn’t take my eyes off her, her soft dark brown hair, her pink cheeks and chubby face. She was perfect. It still seemed unreal, the whole event coming and going before I could even blink an eye, and now here she was.
“Brenna Clare,” I murmur her name aloud, tracing her soft chubby cheek with a single finger, marveling at the baby sleeping soundly in my arms. My daughter. Her skin was the one of the softest things I had ever felt, and as I pressed my lips to her forehead I could smell that unique baby scent. She had a head full of dark brown hair and lips like mine, but her mother’s nose and ears. Her eyes were the grey color of most newborns, but I was placing my bets that they would change to a dark chocolate brown, just like her mom’s.
I smile as her pouty lips twitch and she begins to stir, her impossibly tiny arms moving as she begins to fuss.
“Shhh…” I murmur, “let Mommy sleep more, you wore her out.”
My little girl soon settles back down into her slumber, her tiny hand grasping my finger. I smile down at her, I had never felt this way. This was a whole different kind of love, different from how I loved her mother. I had helped to create this beautiful baby. Had you asked me a year ago what I would be doing on May 14, 2014, holding my baby daughter in my arms would not have been my answer. But here she was, after 8 hours of being in labor, she was ready for the world.
“Caitlin Shaw?” I ask the nurse at the other side of the desk.
She stares at me wide eyed for a moment, before snapping her attention back to her clipboard.
“Umm… yeah, room 114, Mr. Crosby,” she murmurs, apparently a little star struck.
“Thanks,” I manage to call back to her as I’m running down the hallway.
I stop in front of the room with the number 114 on the door and take a deep breath. This was it; there was no turning back now. I open the door to find the room dimly lit, with a bed in the middle. She was lying back against some pillows, in a blue hospital gown. Beth was next to her, telling her something and making her smile. Her head looks to the door upon hearing me open it and I’m greeted with a soft grin. Her eyes look to the clock, before going wide and gaping at me.
“I called you 15 minutes ago! Christ, Crosby how many laws did you break getting here?”
“Does it really matter? I’m here.” I smirk, walking over to her bedside.
“Good, cause the doctor said that the whole crossing my legs thing wouldn’t work,” she laughs.
As the hours ticked by her mood became more and more hostile. I was blamed a few times for putting her through the pain, but the Dr. Henderson assured me she was handling it better than some of the women she had encountered. Made me feel sorry for the dads going through that, because I was sure feeling the heat.
Luckily, her mood improved after she decided to go with the epidural. After that we could both watch her contractions on the computer screen, without me worrying about her injuring my hand. We watched as the guys beat the Bruins 4-2 without me, earning our advance into the next round. Bob and Steigy were ecstatic when they found out why I wasn’t on the ice. I’m sure the interenet was blowing up with the chatter of my daughter’s birth. We had yet to release her name to anyone, except for a few select people. Her parents and brother were up from Maryland and were currently out to breakfast with my parents and sister. Both families came rushing when they heard. And they had both played the dutiful grandparents role when they saw Brenna for the first time, even Dad cracked a smile and held her.
“Mom, Dad, Tay,” I say quietly with a smile, walking over to them with the newest addition to the family, “Meet Brenna.”
“Oh, Sidney! She’s absolutely perfect!” My mom gasps, tears in her eyes as they peer at the baby in my arms.
“She looks like the both of you,” Taylor says, “You two divide those genes pretty evenly.”
“We tried Tay,” I chuckle, rolling my eyes as Caitlin laughs loudly in the bed behind us.
“She’s adorable, just like her mother,” Mom smiles going over to greet Caitlin.
“Thanks Trina,” she smiles back weakly, she hadn’t gotten much sleep quite yet.
“Tiring process,eh?” my mom chuckles next to her, “Now Sidney let her Grandmother hold her,” she says reaching for Brenna.
I chuckle and dutifully hand over my daughter, realizing my mother was going to be the typical grandma that would spoil her granddaughter.
“Yeah, you can say that again. She pulled her daddy from the game and then made us wait 8 hours, but by 4:00 she was ready to come out. She had the nurses scrambling to get everything ready,” she chuckles, “Born at 4:14 AM.”
"What’s her length and weight?” My dad asks, finally piping up, causing Caitlin to break into laughter and me to chuckle. Everyone else looking at us like we’re crazy.
“8 pounds, 7 ounces,” I grin, remembering Caitlin and I crack up when we heard my number, “And 21 inches long.”
“A Daddy’s girl in the making,” Caitlin chuckles, looking at me with a grin, to which I answer with a sheepish smile, “She is going to have him wrapped around her little finger.”
“Well with those big eyes and pouty lips, I can see why,” Taylor giggles, as my mom hands her off to her, “Hi, Brenna,” she coos.
“And you two are all ready for her?” Dad asks, not taking his eyes of the baby.
“As ready as we’ll ever be,” I sigh, how ready were new parents really?
“Taylor, may I?” Dad asks, motioning to the pink bundle in her arms.
I smile; knowing that even with his rough and take-no-shit exterior, my dad really was a big softy when it came to kids. He would probably end up spoiling her more than my mom.
“What you thinking about over there Crosby?” I hear a voice ask, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Just the day,” I reply with a smile, looking over at the woman that made this all possible. She had a sleepy and content look on her face, her brown eyes soft. She had done wonderfully through the whole process. Calm and collected when I first arrived, which was good, because I was so nervous I struggled to unbuckle my seatbelt.
“It has been quite a day hasn’t it,” she smiles, looking down to our daughter sleeping peacefully in my arms, “Have you slept at all?”
“No, too much has been happening,” I reply sheepishly, moving to sit in the bed next to her.
“You should go home, get some sleep,” she responds, “I’m sure you have to prepare for the next round.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I smile, getting out of my chair and sitting next to her on the hospital bed.
“She’ll still be here when you get back, Sidney,” Caitlin smiles up at me.
I smirk back and press a kiss to her temple. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I love you,” I murmur, before leaning down to capture her lips with mine in a brief kiss. Those sparks still present. “Thank you, Caitlin.”
“For what?” she asks, her brows coming together in confusion.
“For everything. For telling me so that I could be here. For deciding to stick with me. For making me a Dad. For loving me back. Just… I can’t imagine this turning out more perfectly,” I smiles.
“Me either,” she smiles looking up from our daughter and her chocolate brown eyes looking into mine. I loved her eyes, her smile. Still as captivating as they were when I, literally, ran into at the beach.
I smile before bringing my lips back to hers. The fireworks were still as strong as they were 5 years ago when I first kissed her in the ocean. And look where we were now, together again and with our daughter in my arms. Now, all she had to do was say yes when I asked her the crucial question.
Caitlin’s POV
A knock on the door made us separate from the gentle kiss, one that still gave me butterflies.
“Come in,” I call softly, careful not to wake Brenna.
In walks a certain dark haired hockey player, looking very shy.
“Hey Tanger,” Sid greets quietly.
“Hey, congratulations,” he smiles meekly.
“Thanks, Kris,” I smile up at him, “For everything. I don’t know how this all would have ended up if it wasn’t for you.”
“No, it wasn’t me. You two would have worked things out eventually, I just pushed you along,” he smiles.
“Well thanks for the shove Tanger,” Sid chuckles.
“Sid, why don’t you let Tanger hold her and go tell the goons in the lobby that they can come in too,” I smile.
They both look at me unsure.
“I know they’re here. They wouldn’t have let Kris come to the hospital alone, they just sent him in to make sure they could come in… am I right?” I say looking over to Kris.
“Yeah, they’re raiding the gift shop,” he chuckles, running a hand through his hair to get it out of his face.
“That’s what I thought, Sidney go get them. We’ll be fine,” I smile up at him.
He let’s out a heavy sigh, “Fine. Kris, meet Brenna,” he smiles, placing the sleeping baby into Kris’s arms gently before kissing my forehead and hers and heading out the door.
“Brenna, eh? Sounds a lot like…” he asks cautiously.
“Yeah,” I smile sadly, wishing Bran was still alive to see her, “that was done on purpose. Brenna Clare Crosby. We finally decided on the name when we were waiting for her last night.”
He lets out a chuckle and looks down at her. “She is beautiful, just like her mom,” he says smiling up at me.
“Thanks Kris, really,” I smile up at him, “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
He just smiles shyly in return, making me wish I had a camera. My best friend holding my daughter was a sight to behold, it made me wonder how he was still single. If girls got a picture of what I was seeing now, they’d be lining up outside his door, offering to have his kids.
Before anything else can be said, the door swings open, and most of the team comes in. There were balloons galore and Max Talbot was wearing a shirt that said “I’m the BIG brother,” to which he earned a hearty laugh from me and a sigh from Sid, who grinned anyways.
“Hi Mom and Dad!” Colby says following the Superstar, “We have tons of stuff for Miss Brenna Crosby, a cigar for the new Daddy, and Chinese food and Starbucks for Mommy.”
“I knew I loved you guys for a reason,” I sigh dramatically as Jordan Staal hands me a tall hazelnut coffee from Starbucks and sets a Chinese takeout container on the table next to me, before kissing my cheek, “Good game last night boys! And congrats on the going to the next round!”
“Well it would have been better if we had a certain captain playing with us, but I guess we can let his absence slide just this once,” Jordan smiles as Sid takes Brenna from Kris.
"Yeah, well, he could have been out with you guys. She wasn't born until 4:14 this morning," I chuckle.
"No way, I wouldn't have missed any of that for the world! Even if you did almost break my hand," Sid grins from beside me.
“Born at 4:14 on May 14, 2014? Sounds like a number 14 will be on the back of her sweater," Jordan says from beside me.
"Knowing her Dad, I wouldn't doubt that," I giggle, to which Sid winks at me.
“Well, are you going to introduce us or not, Sid?” Talbot speaks up with a grin.
“Guys, this is Brenna. Brenna, these are the guys that you have to put up with, I’m sorry” he grins standing up to show off his daughter to his teammates.
All the boys crowd around Sid, as the proud father grins and shows off his little girl. I sip on my coffee as I watch the big tough hockey players turn to goo when introduced to the baby girl.
“Don’t listen to your daddy, Brenna, we’re way more fun than him!” Marc Andre says, holding at least 8 balloons, with varying Congratulations on them. “Congratulations on your new Hip” was my favorite in the bunch.
I watch as they all take turns holding the tiny baby. I didn’t care how tough they were on the ice, the Pittsburgh Penguins were all a big bunch of softies.
* * * *
“We’re home!” Sid smiles softly, looking in the back of the car and frowning when he realizes that he’s just looking at the back of the car seat. “Maybe I’ll put a mirror back there so that it reflects off this mirror and…” he begins.
“Let’s just get her in the house Crosby, and then you can think about rearranging your car,” I smile patting his arm before getting out of the car and unbuckling my daughter from her carseat.
“Watch, the edge of the mat, it’s turned up…” he says as I approach the door.
“Honestly Sidney, just open the door for us,” I sigh, he was so protective of her. The poor girl was going to have a hard time dating when that time came around.
“Ok, ok. You think the dogs will be ok, right? Maybe I should take her, because they’ll be so excited to see you and…”
“Sid!”
“Ok, ok…” he smiles opening the door.
A flurry of fur passes in front of me as the dogs excitedly greet me; after all they hadn’t seen me in 2 days.
“Easy, easy…” I say calmly, making my dogs calm down a little more. I walk over to the couch and sit down, shifting Brenna in my arms.
“Alright kids, this is your new sister, you need to be very gentle with her,” I say firmly, letting the dogs smell the new comer.
I hold my breath and wait for the reaction, knowing they won’t hurt her but wondering what they will do. I can’t help but giggle as Finn comes over and submissively licks the side of her face, earning a small whine from the baby. The dogs perk up their ears at the sound and back away a little bit. But Finn stays put, next to her just watching as she settles down and her hand rests against his nose. I smile; we had one hell of a family.
After a few more minutes downstairs, I carry her up to the nursery, to put her in her crib while I spend some time with my pack, Sid walking up the stair behind me.
“Do you think she’ll let us sleep tonight? Or is she going to be one of those babies that never let her parents sleep?” I ask.
“Hopefully the first one, I know how cranky her mother gets if she doesn’t get the sleep she needs,” he chuckles.
“I wouldn’t talk if I were you!” I shoot back playfully, turning into the soft green painted nursery, the dim glow of a small lamp lighting the room in the corner.
I cross the room and place her in the white wooden crib watching as she slept.
“It really is amazing isn’t it?” I say aloud.
“What?” he whispers from beside me.
“That you and I could do that, without even planning to. Just like that creating something so beautiful and amazing,” I smirk, “It was worth not being able to drink coffee,”
“Mmm… but I’m glad you’ll be decently caffeinated again,” he chuckles, pulling me into him.
“What do you mean Crosby? You trying to tell me I’m cranky?” I smirk, poking a finger into his chest.
“Never dear,” he smiles before leaning down to kiss my lips lightly.
“Sure,” I chuckle turning away from him to walk out of the room, but something catches my eye on top of the dresser next to the crib.
Under the small lamp was a little black ring box. The lid was opened but there was nothing inside. My brows knit together in confusion.
“Sid, what’s with the….” I ask turning around and pointing to the box. But I find that he isn’t standing beside me anymore. Instead, he’s down on one knee, holding something sparkly in his hand looking very nervous. I gasp my hand covering my mouth in shock, “Oh my God,” I murmur.
“Just hear me out,” he starts shakily, “I knew from the first time I knocked you over in the sand, that you were different. You weren’t like any other girl, I had ever met. You were beautiful, independent, and funny. You got along with the guys and you were never afraid to show your true self.”
“I know that I’ve screwed up, big time,” he says breaking his gaze to shake his head before looking back up at me, his hazel eyes never leaving mine, “I’ve had so many close calls, thinking I was going to lose you forever. But somehow I always get another chance, and I think three is the limit. I need you in my life. When you were gone in the fall, I could hardly function without you, it was like a piece of me was missing. In a million years I would never have thought that I would find someone like you and fall in love. I never thought that I would live in a house full of dogs with a woman that cares as much about her work as I do about hockey. You put up with me, which is a big plus,” he grins, causing me to let out a rather watery chuckle.
“You handle everything so well, but that’s not all. It’s you. It’s your eyes and how they light up when you smile. How your laughter just rings out, untamed. How you aren’t afraid to be you. I still get the same chills I got at the beach the first time I kissed you, the same fireworks go off that were present under the mistletoe 2 years ago. I still get excited when you tell me that you love me. And I don’t think that will ever change,” He smiles up at me, causing me to bite my lip as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“I know that you wanted to wait. That you need to trust me before you can agree to spend forever with me. And I’m hoping you do. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, Caitlin Shaw, raise our daughter together, have more kids and raise a house full of kids and dogs. So… Caitlin,” he says taking a deep breath and holding what I now see to be a diamond ring up a little higher,
“Will you marry me?”
My Dear Readers,
Well, this is it! My last letter to you in Discovering… Love? Wow, I never thought I’d write that. This story has been going on since June of 2008, that’s 2 ½ years! I don’t want to make this too corny and sickeningly sweet, but I needed to write something. And I wanted to write this before I posted the end, because I didn't want to take too much focus away from the story (this turned out to be way longer than I had wanted it to, but oh well...)
First, while I have everyone’s attention:
Discovering… Love? Chapter 87 will be posted this coming week, so keep an eye out for it (I promise it will be up!) And the day AFTER chp 87 is posted the Epilogue will be up (it will be the length of a normal chapter), so don’t stop reading after chapter 87 there is still a little bit more.
People have requested another Sidney Crosby story, but to be honest, I don’t think that will happen from me. I don’t like to write players twice… but maybe… ya never know! Maybe someday I’ll sit down and write a new and better version of this story, just because there would be many things I would change in this (ie how they met). I will most definitely be continuing my Max Talbot story! With Discovering… Love? being finished, Snapshot will be my new focus. With that being said, hopefully it will be updated more frequently. I’d like to do a Kris Letang story at some point, maybe a Jordan Staal and a Jonathan Toews thrown in there. I don’t think any of them will be as long as this one though, they’ll all be ‘relatively’ short from here on out, meaning they won’t be 87 chapters.
Now to comments. Through this story I have received absolutely FANTASTIC comments, many of which left me speechless from the generous praise. Almost all were insanely positive and few (if any) were negative, none were hostile or rude. I thank you for keeping the comments clean and giving me constructive criticism, it helped a lot! The feedback you gave on the different chapters allowed me to judge what you liked reading the most (especially when you said, “my favorite part was…”) and I tried to incorporate those things into the story more. When I began this story, I never realized nor would I ever have guessed, that my writing would have such an impact on not only me but some of my readers as well. I can’t thank you enough for the comments, they’re always such a joy to read and so helpful! As for my spelling/ grammatical errors that some have said about, I must admit I get a chuckle out of those comments. Like I said they’re never mean, always constructive and welcome, but it’s a well-known fact among my friends and family that I am a HORRIBLE speller. So I apologize for the spelling errors. Spell check is my savior, but sometimes it leads me astray.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for sticking with me and reading the story. This was my first ever story, and in these 2+ years, it has helped me through some of life’s ups and downs. And I know that shows in the story. Caitlin is, and probably will remain, the character that most reflects me, and the person I hope to become. I think a lot of you could relate to her, which was what I had hoped to accomplish.
Now that this has become just about as long as a chapter, and some have probably stopped reading because it’s not the story, I’m done.
Thank you for absolutely everything! Your patience and comments have been remarkable. And if you would like to continue reading my work, you’ll have to turn to Snapshot.
Happy New Year and Enjoy the Winter Classic! (go Pens!)
~ Aeryn
P.S. I’m not one to beg for comments, BUT I would love to see my inbox flooded with a ton of that lovely feedback in the last chapter and epilogue, that I spoke of before… ya know, just saying they would be nice (as subtle as that hint was ;) )
“Ruff… ruff…”
‘Is it 7:30 already?’ I think, closing my eyes tighter in a hope that it will somehow turn back the time a few minutes so I can sleep again.
“Ruff… Ruff…” it was a little more urgent this time.
“Shh… Flash let her sleep,” I hear his sleep gravely voice whisper from beside me, “Come on, I’ll let you out.”
I feel the bed move slightly, I hear him pull on his jeans from last night and the slight jingle of Flash’s collar as he moves quickly out of the room and downstairs. I keep my eyes closed willing sleep to come back to me, even for just a little bit, but to no avail. I sigh, and open my eyes. When did I become my mother, getting up early and never able to fall back asleep? I groan slightly as I sit up in bed, letting the pillows help the ache in my lower back.
I hear the door open from downstairs and a rush of paws passing the threshold. The sound of claws on wood and id tags jingling becomes louder and louder, until the door that was closed but not latched swings open and I’m met with a flurry of fur.
“Good Morning,” I chuckle as the bed groans with the weight that has suddenly been jumped on it.
Maggie wiggles her way to my side and Sam places a wet kiss on my cheek (the boys had gotten back from a road trip late last night, Tanger had yet to pick him up). Finn and Ty make themselves comfortable at the foot of the bed, while Flash and Hawkeye take the Sid’s spot next to me. I see Sid look around the door with a sigh, his shoulders slightly slumping in defeat.
“I didn’t close the door the whole way, eh?” He ran a hand through his hair now longer hair, that had just begun curling at the ends.
“Nope,” I smirk, letting my eyes wander over his solid and bare torso. Watching as his bicep jumps slightly when he moves his arm away from his hair.
“Sorry, babe. I tried to get you more sleep,” he sighs walking over to me, “Alright, everybody off, go lay somewhere else.”
The dogs just look at him like he’s crazy.
“Come on you heard him, Off!” I laugh, pushing Finn with my foot.
They all grumble in protest but move anyway, giving Sid space to lie down. He chuckles as they all plop down on the floor, waiting for me to get up and feed them.
“Good Morning,” he smiles at me, bringing his lips sweetly to meet mine.
“Morning,” I mumble against him, the slight scruff of his playoff ‘beard’ tickling my face. It wasn’t as bad as it was when he was 21, but it’s still rather pathetic, I think smiling into the kiss.
“And good morning to you too,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss against my huge exposed stomach. It was just easier sleeping in a sports bra these days. “I missed you,” he says looking up at me, those hazel eyes softening.
“I missed you too. What time did you get in last night?”
“It was around 1:30,” he yawns, “Tanger said he’d pick up Sam after practice.”
“Alright, sounds good.”
“And how are you?” he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.
I knew the question he was asking.
“You mean since I talked to you after the game last night, ok. But not yet Sid,” I smile.
He smiles at me sheepishly, his hand coming to my stomach as he presses another kiss to my lips.
Sid’s POV
“Anything yet?” Bylsma asks me as I lean against my stick and watch the boys shoot pucks at Flower playfully.
“Not yet,” I sigh, my eyes not leaving them.
“It will be soon Sid, just be patient,” he smiles.
“I know… it’s just… What if I’m on the ice? Or God forbid we’re on the road….” I begin, finally verbalizing the thoughts that had been worrying me.
“We’ll get you there. One way or another, we’ll get you there,” he laughs.
I sigh and nod. I wanted to focus my thoughts on the game tonight. We were in round 2 of the playoffs, game 6 against the Bruins and if we won tonight we were moving on to round 3. But I couldn’t, the imminent May 24th due date was approaching fast, 10 days to be exact, and I couldn’t imagine Caitlin’s stomach getting any bigger. I was ready to be a dad and after all we had been through it was so close!
I had mostly moved back into the house in the past two months, shivering because the air conditioning was cranked up so high. I’m pretty sure the dogs had yet to lose their winter coats. We were officially together again… finally. It felt right. It felt wonderful to come home to her again, even though she was getting crankier as her belly increased in size. I was with her whenever I could be, soaking in her pregnancy and helping when she would let me. A few days before she had cleaned out the entire kitchen with the intent of reorganizing it. I came home to find her leaning against the cupboard exhausted. I ended up putting everything back as she went to bed early.
The baby’s room was ready. We had converted the guest room into the new nursery, with the help of some of the guys of course. The walls were painted a soft green, and white wooden furniture added to the softness of the room. Tiny clothes were in the drawers and a few soft toys were placed in the appropriate places. The room was set, we were set … and still waiting.
After a month of trying, I had finally convinced her a few days ago to stop working until AFTER the baby was born. She had found a place going around to all the shelters in the area, helping to match people with dogs and to train problem dogs. I could tell she was still restless with her job, being that she didn’t have a definite one. I knew she missed Utah sometimes, even if she didn’t say it, and I knew she missed owning her own business too.
I step out of my car and knock on the door. Hearing a dog bark, informing his owner that I was at the door. The door opens not even moments later, to reveal a grinning red head and a big white dog.
Caitlin’s POV
I let out another heavy sigh as I change the channel. Finn lay next to me with head on my lap. The dogs all laying around me, asleep. I was SO BORED!!! I couldn’t really do anything! And Sid, made me promise not to step foot in a shelter until at least 2 weeks after the baby was born. Like I said, BORED.
Sid’s POV
“What about that one?” I ask, pointing to a rather large one in the corner of the display case.
“I’m sorry, who are you shopping for?” Beth asks, “Cause, she would never wear that.”
“Ok… what about that one.”
“Do you want her to wear it?”
“Of course I do!”
“All the time?”
“Well… yeah!” I reply, I wanted people to know she was taken, that she was mine.
“Then stop thinking of the ring that every girl wants, and think about what Caitlin would want,” she says sternly.
I sigh, she was right. If I wanted Caitlin to actually wear the ring, it had to be one that wouldn’t get in her way. Not only did I feel like I didn’t have to spend a lot of money on an engagement ring, I felt that I couldn’t. I wanted to spoil her, to give her an over the top ring that would remind her and everyone else that she was mine, but she wouldn’t wear it. It would get in her way.
I look at all the sparkling jewelry for what seems like the billionth time. Scanning over ring after ring, trying to find the right one.
“Beth?”
“Yeah, Sid?” she says breaking her gaze from the jewelry.
I take a deep breath. I asked her to come with me to pick out a ring, because I knew she would know best… and I knew that if anyone knew what the answer would be, it would be Beth.
“Do you think she will say ‘yes’?” I ask quietly, searching her green eyes for truth.
“Honestly Sid, I’m not sure,” she replies, almost sadly.
I sigh, breaking eye contact and looking back at the rings. I was so afraid she would still say no. I wasn’t sure if she completely trusted me yet, but I hoped that she did.
I feel Beth touch my forearm gently,
“But I do know that someday she will say yes. Sid, she is so in love with you and she knows that she needs you, and I think that scares her. But she’s not going to run again. She’s always been afraid of a forever commitment, and let’s face it. Forever, is a damned long time,” she grins at me, “But Sid, someday… it could be tomorrow or in a year… but someday, she will say yes.”
I smirk and nod, looking back down when one catches my eye.
“What about that one?” I ask pointing out the wedding ring.
It wasn’t an engagement ring, so to speak, it was meant to go along with a solitary diamond ring. But it was one that she would wear. One that she wouldn’t take off. The ring was perfect, and I knew it even before Beth gasped.
“Sid, it’s perfect!”
Caitlin’s POV
“Hey guys,” I hear him greet the dogs at the door, making me crane my head back from the crossword I was doing.
“Hey! Where have you been? It’s almost time for your nap,” I ask curiously.
“I had some interviews and stuff,” he sighs, coming over to kiss my lips before sinking down in the lazy boy, being that I was taking up the entire couch with Hawkeye.
“What are you doing?” he asks curiously.
“Crossword puzzle,” I grumble, as Joshua Radin sings in the background.
“Since when do you do those?” he says taken back.
“Since I’m bored out of my fucking mind! I can’t do anything else without getting tired,” I snap.
“Aww, babe, she’ll be here soon,” he smiles cautiously.
He had been the brunt of my cranky mood for a while now. I felt bad, but on the other hand, it was partly his fault that I was like this.
“Well, why not now?! I’m sick of being pregnant. My back hurts, and my feet hurt, and I’m tired, and I want a beer!”
“I know babe, I know,” he sighs, “Why don’t you come take a nap with me.”
I sigh. Sure I was nervous about giving birth and wasn’t looking forward to the pain factor AT ALL, but I had been craving a blueberry bagel with cream cheese and I wasn’t allowed to have bread! I tried to convince Sid bagels weren’t bread they were bagels, but he wouldn’t listen. I was ready to be a mom!
“Ok,” I grumble, accepting his hands as he helps me hoist myself off the couch and walk up the stairs. “Do you know how many times I’ve peed today?! A LOT!”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the game?” He asks, tying his tie and looking back at me through the mirror.
“No, I’m exhausted and I don’t think I would be able to handle those stairs too well. Beth is gonna come over and we’re just going to watch here,” I shake my head with a sigh.
“Alright,” he nods.
“I really want to though,” I pout, “Your daughter just wears me out.”
He snickers and comes over to the bed where I’m sitting.
“I love you,” he smiles at me before kissing me sweetly.
“I love you, too,” I smile, “Now help me up, please.”
He laughs lightly and helps me off the bed so that I can go downstairs and let the dogs out. I let them all out, but Finn refuses to go out, and instead follows me into the kitchen where I make popcorn.
“Alright, I’ve got to get to the rink,” Sid says coming down the stairs and fixing his sports coat across his broad shoulders.
“Stop Hulk, you keep doing that and you’re going to burst the seams,” I say with a smirk, going up to him to fix his collar and smooth the shoulders of his coat.
“Like what you see Miss Shaw?” he smirks, as my hands come to the back of his neck.
I look up at him, his hazel eyes sparkling with mischief as his lips move into a lazy smirk.
“Eh, not bad,” I shrug, biting my lip to hold back my grin before pulling his neck down to attach my lips to his. I wasn’t able to come up on my toes anymore.
“You sure you’ll be ok?” he asks, looking worriedly in my eyes.
“Yes, Beth will be here,” I smile, “I know this will be hard for you, but try not to think about it ok? I want you to focus on the game. You’re not going to miss anything. I will cross my legs if it means waiting for you to get there.”
He chuckles before kissing my forehead.
“I’ll try.”
“Thank you, cause I’ve been told that doesn’t work,” I smile, leaning back against the counter. He kisses me one last time before he makes his way to the door.
“Go kick some ass, Crosby!” I shout as he walks out the door. I hear his laugher echo down the hallway before he closes the door.
“UGH I have to pee AGAIN!” I shout to no one in particular.
"Heeelloooo????”
“Hey! In the living room!” I call back.
“Hey, Momma, how’s baby?” Beth grins at me, coming into the living room followed by Koda.
“She won’t come out,” I pout at her, "Hi, Koda!" I smile petting the furry white dog.
“Aww, honey. I know how you feel, but she will eventually,” she smiles knowingly at me, “How’s Daddy handling everything?”
“He’s worried about it, more worried and anxious than he’s trying to let on. He’s afraid he’s going to miss the birth.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Yeah, but it’s playoffs and he can’t focus on the game like he usually does.”
“Well, life will all turn upside down soon enough,” she smiles before handing me a colorful plastic bag.
“Jelly beans?”
“They’re not bread!” she smiles plopping down next to me.
I laugh and turn on the TV, turning it to the FSN just in time to see Chris Kunitz doing a pregame interview on the ice with Dan Potash.
“YES!” I yell throwing my arms up in celebration as Kris almost tackles Sid in celebration of the beautiful goal he had scored. The score was now 1-0 Pens, with 8 to go in the first.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain shoot up my abdomen and all through my lower back. I wince before I feel another pain shoot through. I let out a deep breath. 2 minutes left in the period.
We go into the intermission, Dan Potash interviewing Sid as another sharp pain shoots through me, making me miss him talking about his goal.
“Beth?”
“Yeah?” she says looking over to me.
“It’s time. You need to take me to the hospital,” I wince.
Her eyes go wide before she shoots off the couch.
“Ok… ok…"
“My bag in the closet,” I say beginning to get up, Finn standing next to me protectively as the other dogs watch nearby.
Here we go!
Sid’s POV
‘Alright, focus. Focus on the game. She’s fine, the baby’s fine. Focus on the game,’ I think waiting to walk down the tunnel and hop on the ice along with everyone else. I begin walking down, after Max and Marc have finished their fight, bringing up the rear.
“Come on boys,” I yell out, along with the other shouts, trying to pump everyone up as the Consol Energy Center rumbles with the noise of the crowd. The line begins to move and my mind begins to go to the ice. The feel of the puck on my stick, the intensity of playoffs, hard checks... fight hard, score big…
“Sid!” I hear Dana Heinze call, as he comes running out of the locker room, “You’ve got somewhere else to be. Caitlin called, she said ‘it’s time’”
I fell my jaw drop along with my stomach, my breath is sucked out of me, and my skin immediately pales as I’m hit with a wave of nausea. It’s time!
“I’m back!” I hear his voice call from the door. I walk out of the kitchen, and to the door to greet him as he takes his coat off, two bags in hand. The dogs were outside at the moment so they had already greeted him, but Maggie stood by the door with her ears perked up wanting to be let in.
“Hey,” I smile, putting my hands on his chest and leaning into him to kiss him, “I’m pretty sure I just fell in love with you all over again,” I say reaching for the two bags.
“I know, I know…” I sigh reaching for it again, but he pulls it away quickly.
“And I would just like you to know that the guy was already making the sub when I got in there. He said he saw the car and knew what to do, this is slightly worrisome,” he chuckles.
“But I don’t order them THAT often!” I stress, “Was it Dennis? He knows how to make the sandwich perfectly!”
“Yeah, just 4 times in the past 6 days,” he laughs, “And yes it was, he said to tell you hi and see you soon.”
“Hey, it could be six!” I defend quickly, trying for the bags again.
“One more thing,” he says pulling it away, to which I let out an annoyed huff, “I’m sure if you look on the blogs and chat rooms tonight, you will see a picture of me with a few female fans holding a plastic bag with ONE mango in. All for you.”
“And her,” I smile, placing my hand on my 7 month pregnant stomach.
“And her,” he smiles, bringing his lips down to me meet mine in a tender kiss. I kiss back for a moment, loving his scent in my nose and his pillowy lips next to mine, his hand cupping my neck. He pulls away, and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Mine!” I say quickly, jerking the bags out of his hand before he can think and walking to the kitchen, leaving him chuckling at the doorway.
“Hold up, mine is in there too!” He calls.
We still had yet to come up with a name for our daughter. We had highlighted a few in the baby name dictionary, but still had yet to make a decision. The press conference had gone well, the response was... to be expected. Chat rooms and the notorious “Girlfriend” discussion page had had a field day. I was called a whore, a slut, a raging bitch (don’t know where that one even came from). There were rumors that it wasn’t really Sid’s baby. Some said it was Fleury’s and it was a cover up for our affair, poor Flower had undergone some serious beaking in the locker room for that one and it was still an ongoing joke between me and Laura Fleury.
Another said that my daughter was actually Kris’s child, because according to a “reliable source” I had left Sid for Kris and found his paycheck could not cover my expenses…. Whatever the hell that meant. But the funniest was that I wasn’t really pregnant. I almost peed from laughing so hard when I heard that one.
However, it was finally starting to settle down. The announcers on Versus had gotten down to a 2 time maximum of saying Sid was going to be a father and my picture was generally splashed on the TV screen when I went to games, like they were monitoring my progress.
Beth and Anna had worked along with Laura Fleury and Sarah Armstrong to plan a surprise baby shower for me last week. It was a blast, involving delicious cake and a diaper-changing race… I lost. Sarah and Colby had given me a Penguins maternity shirt that said “Rookie” on it. And when Sid had the unfortunate luck of coming home too early to find the party still going on, he and I were pushed together into a picture of me in the shirt. He literally laughed out loud when he saw me. But the picture was our first as a family he said, and he taped it up in his stall.
I look over to the man whom had been a relief through this all as he watched to movie. He had helped me through it all and made sure to constantly tell me that he wasn’t going anywhere. He was furious with the accusations that our daughter wasn’t really his child, but I tried my best to keep him calm and cool. He knew it wasn’t true, of course, but I think it still stung when people brought up me leaving, especially when they had no idea why I left. He made sure that he was at every baby doctor appointment and he tried to be there every moment he possibly could, saying that he had missed too much already. I tried to tell him all he missed was me puking every morning for a month, but he insisted. Right now he was getting worried that he wouldn’t be there for the birth, that he would be on the road and not get back in time. He had been taking into account every possibility, making sure that he would be there.
“Want a bite?” I ask, gesturing toward my sandwich as Braveheart plays on the TV. My feet were propped up on the coffee table as Sid sat next to me, eating a veggie sub from subway.
He looks over at me and wrinkles his nose, “I’ll pass.”
“It’s good!”
“Sorry babe, but a meatball sub with American Cheese and pickles is not in my healthy eating plan, nor appealing to my taste buds.”
“Suit yourself,” I shrug, taking a monstrous bite out of the sandwich.
Within minutes, the blessed sandwich is gone … and I could use another one.
I sigh, leaning against Sid, and looking up to the turkey sub he is eating.
“Nope, this is mine. You ate yours,” he replies, not even looking at me but keeping his eyes trained on the screen.
“Fine, I didn’t want a bite anyway,” I huff scrunching my face in annoyance… I watch as he chew and swallows before taking another bite. “Please just…”
“Nope,” he chuckles shaking his head.
“Sidney! You wouldn’t want your daughter to go hungry would you?” I ask in fake shock.
He lets out a hearty laugh, his arm coming around me to pull me closer into him before he polishes off the last bite of his sub. We still had yet to come up with a name for our daughter, but we still had two months. Man that due date was coming up soon.
“My daughter is NOT starving,” he chuckles.
“You calling me fat, Crosby?” I ask with a sly smile.
“Never, Dear,” he smiles down at me, those hazel eyes sparkling with humor before he places a simple kiss on my forehead.
“Bull shit,” I grin, before tilting my head up so that I can catch his lips with mine.
My hand comes up to his jaw, bringing him closer. He shifts on the couch, giving us a better angle to deepen the kiss. His tongue swipes over my lower lip slowly, before I let him in to have our tongues tangle together. His mouth moves away from mine, his lips trailing down my neck placing kisses in strategic places. It isn’t until he reaches the place where my shoulder and neck mesh together that his hot tongue sweeps over my skin and he bites down gently.
My breath immediately hitches as I inhale sharply, my fingers raking through his short hair in encouragement as my eyes close and my head involuntarily falls back to give him better access.
“Mmm… Sidney,” slips from my lips in a moan.
“Ruff… Ruff…”
I can feel the vibration of his laugh on my skin before he lifts his head to the sound.
“I think Flash is hungry,” he whispers.
I groan, before opening my eyes to Sid looking at me with a smirk. His hazel eyes seem to swarm with a liquid golden color. He knew exactly what to do to turn me on. He knew exactly where my weak spot was. I sigh, it was frightening how in love I was sometimes.
I shake my head with a sigh before turning my attention to Flash.
“Really? You are hungry, right now?” I ask him, to which his eyes light up and his head cocks to one side as he tries to figure out what I’m saying.
“Ruff…” he tries again, his ears perked up as he waits for my answer.
“Alright, alright. Let’s get you some dinner,” I laugh, ruffling his fur.
Sid’s POV
“No one will ever forget that night and what it meant for this country. But I will never forget the man and what he meant to me.”
I sigh and look at my watch, it was 12:30 and I have practice tomorrow at 9. I look over to her to tell her I have to leave but instead I find her already asleep. Her head was pillowed on her arm that rested on the couch armrest, and her legs were draped over my lap, her large stomach out in front of her as she slept on her side. I watch as a small smile plays on her lips, those chocolate eyes masked under lids fringed with dark lashes. I didn’t want to disturb her, but she need to sleep in a bed and I couldn’t exactly carry her up the stairs anymore.
“Caitlin. Babe, wake up,” I say softly reaching over to gently shake her shoulder.
She inhales and opens her eyes, blinking a few times before they focus on me. Her brow furrows as she tries to remember and then a lazy smile plays on her pink lips when I see the spark of her memory.
“Last time I check, Evy had just left V’s and was walking down the street,” she chuckles, stretching slightly, “What time is it?”
“About 12:30,” I respond, looking at my watch again.
She nods and uses the armrest to help push herself upright again. I stand up and offer my hand to her, knowing that getting up off the couch had become increasingly harder with her 7 months pregnant stomach. She sighs and takes it with a sheepish smile, knowing she was too tired to refuse. Letting out a sharp whistle, she makes her way over to the door, opening it so that the dogs can go out. A flood of fur whizzes by before she shuts the door behind them.
She walks back over to me and snuggles into my side with a content sigh. I just hold her next to me for a minute, taking in the silence of the house, the warmth of her body, and the smell of coconut in her hair. It was times like these I cherished, just her and I, after a night of movies. Not needing to talk constantly, but throwing around the playful banter we were so good at. Stealing kisses here and there, just being with each other, no obligations to worry about for awhile. It wouldn’t belong until there would be three of us, not just two anymore.
I sigh, going out into the brisk March weather was not really what I wanted to do at the moment, nor did I want to drive back to Mario’s. Someday, someday I won’t have to. It wouldn’t be long before it would be a blessing to just get some sleep, with playoffs and the baby on the way.
“I should go, I need to get back,” I sigh, hating doing so but knowing I had to, “I have practice at 9.”
She lets out a slight whimper mixed with a sigh into my shoulder. Not saying anything for a few moments.
“Or…” she replies quietly, “You could stay.”
I feel my stomach drop at her suggestion, having wanted nothing more for a long time. I look down to her with a small smile, trying not to get my hopes up. My eyes connect with molten dark chocolate eyes, looking up at me shyly.
“Are you sure?”
She nods her head with a small shy smile, “Stay with me.”
I grin; I having been wanting to hear her say that for months now. I bring my mouth down to hers, the two fitting together perfectly, like a puzzle piece.
Hey!
Contrary to what it may seem, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am still alive and kicking! ... just not writing like I would like too. I know that I haven’t been posting like I used to, but life has been a little crazy lately. I’ve been wanting to update both stories, especially Discovering… Love? being that it’s so close to the finishing line, but I just haven’t had time to sit down and write anything. Right now I’m a semester away from declaring my majors (yeah that’s plural, I’m crazy enough to do a double major) in school, so I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure that out. Add classes and work on to that and my time and motivation to write suffers. Right now I’m under the stress of searching for an apartment, but hopefully that will be over soon and I can write again. I love writing these stories and I hope you love reading them. If you do, I’m going to have to ask you… again (I know, I know I’ve asked this too many times) to please bear with me. I hope you will find that the chapters will be worth the wait!
By the way, Snapshot will probably be updated first, being that it hasn’t been updated in WAYYYY too long… not sure when … but hopefully soon.
Hang in there!
~ Aeryn
I whimper slightly, pressing my face in to Finn’s coarse white fur. I was fighting back tears and feeling slightly nauseous. I was so overwhelmed with my nervousness and I know it wouldn’t go well. I just knew.
A few of the dogs bark excitedly looking out the window, their tails beginning to wag. Maggie’s tail wags the fastest before she looks back at me as if to say,
“He’s home!”
Suddenly, they rush to the front door as I straighten myself on the couch. I quickly try to calm myself down, trying to wipe away the tears that were on the verge of falling. I was excited that he was here, but dreading it at the same time. If he was home it meant that practice was over and we were going to meet his parents and Taylor for brunch. I hear him greet all the dogs at the door before he walks into the living room with a huge grin.
“Hey,” he says cheerfully coming over to me.
I smile weakly as he sits down on the couch next to me, kissing my cheek.
“Hi,” I manage to squeak out, but it comes out slightly cracked. I hold my breath hoping he won’t notice.
He pulls away slightly, a frown on his face as he looks at me worriedly, a wave of panic washing over his face.
“What’s wrong? Is the baby ok?”
“Yeah, the baby’s fine.”
“Then what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry,” he pushes, the panic was gone from his hazel eyes and now a worried look replaced it as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
Damned my big brown eyes, they gave away my emotions too easily sometimes. And with my hormones being all over the place, I couldn’t hide the emotion as well anymore.
“It’s nothing,” I sniff.
“Caitlin, what’s wrong?” he asks firmly, looking me in the eye.
“It’s just… I feel so overwhelmed. Your father hates me because I’m gonna make your life even harder because I’m huge and fat and pregnant,” I sniff the tears starting to fall, “as if you didn’t have enough on your place as is. Now you have to deal with me being pregnant and emotionally unstable. And he’s gonna think it’s all my fault and then he’s going to hate the baby because she and I ruined your life, “ I whimper.
“Oh babe,” he groans pulling me into him, my head tucking perfectly under his chin, “You didn’t ruin my life.”
“Yes, I did,” I whimper, “I kept pushing you away and now your stuck with me. I’m pathetic.”
“You are not. You are what I was missing in my life, you made it better. I still can’t believe that I got so lucky! And as for being stuck with you I’m glad I am, I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else,” he says softly into my hair.
“But your dad…”
“My dad is an ass sometimes. He doesn’t realize that I need more than hockey in my life. I didn’t realize it for a while, but after I met you I realized that there is more to life than playing hockey. You and the baby are what I want. How many times do I have to say that before you believe it? Caitlin, I love you. We’re going to be fine,” he says rubbing soothing circles on my back.
We sit in the silence for a little bit, and I replay the conversation we were just having. It wasn’t a new topic, I had been feeling 2 inches tall since I got to Pittsburgh and I’ve been running since Victoria strutting in after the game to tell me Sid had cheated on me. I had been and still was so emotional, so weak, so… so…. Not me! Where the hell did the strong woman go? Why did I feel like I had to be meek and hide from everyone? When and how did I get this way? This wasn’t me.
“Ugh! I hate this!” I groan loudly, pulling away from him.
“Hate what?” he says alarmed and confused.
“I mean don’t get me wrong, I love the baby and I love that I’m having your kid, but I HATE being this emotional! I don’t feel like myself. I feel girly and vulnerable and …”
“I kinda think that comes with the whole being pregnant thing, babe,” he smiles at me warmly.
“Well this part sucks! And I’m done! I’m done crying about nothing, I’m done worrying about what other people think. This is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I refuse to believe otherwise!” I say firmly, it was as if someone flipped a switch.
“I feel so insecure all the time, I have since Bran died and I’m sick of it! I’m not me! I’m becoming the person I told myself I would never be. How did I let this happen?” I ask exasperated, standing up. A very confused and shocked Sidney looked up at me as if trying to catch up with my total 180.
“Babe, you have been through a lot in the past couple months and Bran was so much a part of your life...”
“Yes, but he wouldn’t want this for me. I can’t train dogs like this. How can I help to control dogs if I can’t even control myself?! I have been hiding with my tail between my legs for too long. I’m done at being ashamed and scared. I want to be who I grew up to be. I want to feel like I used to feel, get out of this abyss of self-pity and doubt. I’m done hiding my pregnancy; I’m done wallowing around all day. I miss me, the real me. I felt like have just become so weak, running away from everything,” I say starting to calm down and settle back down, “I haven’t been the girl you met on the beach. The girl you lived next door to last year. I’ve been this meek, little girl and I’m sick of it! I’m done hiding and I’m done crying!”
I smile to myself; I could feel my old self seeping back in. The power of self-confidence rushing through my vein in an almost warming effect, like sitting in the sunlight. I could feel my old self returning. The girl who didn’t runaway, the one who stood her ground. The one who wore her scars proudly, the one who loved the way she look, no matter what everyone else said. I was a leader, the alpha of my pack. I was back.
All of a sudden I feel his lips crash down on mine in fiery passion. His hand coming up to the back of my neck and his fingers winding in my hair to push my lips against his. The uncontrolled and wild side of him coming out in the kiss as his mouth worked over mine. Teeth scrape and tongues tangle as we fight each other for control. It feels as though fire is burning in the pit of my stomach and an ache begins between my thighs as I slide my fingers up the back of his scalp. Someone lets out a low feral moan, but I’m not sure who, it could be the both of us. As he pushes me back into the cushions, he finds some control, pressing into me gently; probably afraid he will squish the baby, as his hand travels up my jean covered leg.
He pulls away breathing heavily, a grin plastered on his face as he stares into my eyes. His hazel eyes swarming with colors of green and gold. This is the first time we had lost control in awhile. The first time we had let out hormones take over in months and damn did it feel good.
“Welcome back, my little warrior,” he whispers against my neck; using the old nickname he had given me.
I pull away from him, throwing my head back and letting the laugh bubble up from inside me. My loud untamed laughter echoing through the living room.
“God, I love you,” I grin back at him, before connecting my mouth to his again. The passion no longer an untamed fire, but still a steady flame.
I walk down the steps in a pair of dark jeans and a silky olive green tank top that flowed perfectly over my stomach, almost completely concealing my new ‘outie’ belly button... almost. I put a dark blue cardigan sweater overtop that used to button up the front, but not anymore. My hair was down in slight waves and hit just above my shoulder, faming my face perfectly which was polished off with a tad bit of blush, mascara, and a subtle olivey green eyeshadow. Usually an occasion such as this warranted a cute pair of heels or at least high-heeled boots. But my shoes had seemingly been shrinking in size lately, limiting me to a pair of chocolate brown clogs. Plus all of my high heels were hidden away in the back of my closet for the next few months.
Sid looks up at me with a grin and the sparkle in his eye told me a sarcastic comment was headed my way.
“What?” I ask, putting a hand on my hip as I wait for him to reach me at the bottom of the steps.
“It’s just…” he sighs, shaking his head with a smirk, “Five and a half months pregnant and I still feel as though I have to bring a hockey stick with me to ward off guys that would gladly steal you away from me.”
“You're such a charmer, Crosby,” I reply sarcastically, rolling my eyes, before leaning into him briefly and pressing a soft kiss to his pillowy lips.
“You ready to do this? To face the angry bull?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Hell, yeah,” I grin.
I felt sexy and confident in this outfit, and I was not going back to the place I had just escaped from. I was not going to let myself fall into the abyss again. No matter how scary the though of facing Troy Crosby was. I was pregnant, 22 weeks pregnant to be exact, and there was nothing Troy Crosby could do about it. I was going to be a mom, and I was excited as hell. If he didn’t want to be a grandfather than tough shit.
I giggle to myself at my last comment, but my mind had to be set like this or I would never survive.
“Let’s go get ‘em Tiger,” I purr, linking my arm in Sid’s as I press against him slightly.
He let’s out a chuckle, before pressing a kiss to my temple, “I’m so glad you’re back, babe.”
“OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK ADORABLE!” Natalie Lemieux and Trina Crosby seem to squeal at the same time as Sid and I walk out of their house and onto their back patio.
They both quickly rise and come rushing toward me, I bite my lip trying to hold back a smile, but give up and let myself giggle as they each give me a hug and turn to Sid and give him a hug.
“Well, thank you,” I smile.
“Ok now, let us look at you…” Nat says.
I laugh and smooth my shirt and clasp my hands underneath of my stomach so that my obvious pregnancy is even more obvious.
“Now to the side,” Trina smiles.
I laugh and do as I’m told so that they can take in my profile.
They begin the chatter about shopping for baby clothes and names and all of that stuff as Sid and I approach the table where Mario sits smiling at us and Troy Crosby looks less than thrilled.
“Well, well, well, isn’t someone glowing,” Mario smiles getting up and giving me a hug.
“Thanks,” I smile.
“I was talking about Sid,” he smiles down at me mischief dancing in his blue eyes.
I let out a loud laugh, “Oh, my mistake.”
“Caitlin you look amazing, I hear it’s a girl,” he smiles.
“Yup!” I respond enthusiastically.
“Name?”
“Nope!” I respond in the same way.
He lets out a loud laugh and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“You have time, you have time.”
“So I’ve heard,” I sigh, sending a wink Sid’s way.
The women chatter to each other as Sid and Mario talk about some new banner they were hanging up in the Consol Energy Center. Meanwhile, Troy Crosby and I have a staring contest. His face is almost unreadable, as his eyes dare me to think of something to say and break the ice. I smirk and take the challenge.
“So… Troy…” I begin purposefully using his first name, like he had told me to the last time I saw him, “Excited to be a grandfather?”
The chatter quickly dies out as they all hold their breath for the answer. Sid especially, seems to be preparing for the worse.
Troy Crosby looks at me evenly, I can tell choosing his words wisely before he speaks,
“Not particularly thrilled that it is happening so soon,” he says slowly.
“But it is,” I state bluntly, to which Sid puts a hand on my knee under the table.
I see the muscle in Troy’s jaw flinch as he looks around the table. He wouldn’t dare say what was on his mind so long as Sid was here to stand up for me and the baby or Mario was here to keep him calm.
“Mr. Crosby,” I pipe up, reverting back to the formal, “I suggest we take a walk.”
Sid whips his head to look over at me in surprise, I’m pretty sure I’ve taken everyone aback by that statement, including Mr. Crosby. But he quickly recovers and nods, getting up from the table. I follow suit and excuse myself from the table.
Sid gets up and gently grasps my arm before I can walk away.
“What are you doing?” he whispers in my ear.
“Sid, I need to know, what he thinks. I need to be able to hear his opinion, no matter how much it might sting. And he isn’t going to be entirely truthful with all of these people here. Just trust me,” I whisper back, before pressing a kiss to his jaw and following Troy Crosby down the path and out into the street.
As soon as we’re on the street and out of earshot I speak up.
“Alright, now tell me what you really think.”
He chuckles and puts his hands in his pockets.
“Ahhh… what I think…” he sighs looking up at the sky, “Well… I think that this is a mistake.”
“How so?”
“I know the pregnancy is legitimate, in other words, I’m damned sure it is indeed my son’s child,” he begins, keeping his eyes trained on the road.
“But?”
“It should have never happened. Not like this. Sidney was supposed to be married when he had children; he was supposed to ‘plan’ to have kids. Not like this. Not when his ‘girlfriend’ leaves him without so much as a word and then a few months later spills that she’s pregnant with their daughter,” his voice rising slightly.
“So is it me that you have a problem with? Was I not the plan?” I ask slowly, looking at him to set things straight.
He sighs before continuing slowly.
“No, you were not.”
No matter how much I have built up myself confidence today, no matter how much I was back to my old self. His answer stung. And how could it not? I was not part of the perfect plan for his son. The plan that, until I had come into the picture, was working out so perfectly. Youngest NHL Captain, youngest Captain to win the Stanley Cup, scoring the game winning goal to win the gold medal for Canada, being Canada’s golden boy, being the face of the NHL.
The stubborn, outspoken, average looking girl, from some little unknown town near Pittsburgh that trained dogs for a living was not in the plan. And why should it be? Everything in Sid’s life had been extraordinary, but I was just ordinary. I could blend into a crowd. I had a job that many looked down on, no matter how good I was at it. I wasn’t the trophy, blond hair, blue-eyed, hockey wife. I was the brown haired, brown-eyed, woman who cared just as much about her job as her partner. I was NOT part of the plan.
I take in a shaky breath, calming myself and reminding myself of my accomplishments. I could almost feel Bran next to me, pushing me away from the abyss I was teetering over.
“I see,” I say clearing my throat and speaking normally.
“Caitlin, you weren’t part of the plan, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You help keep him grounded. You remind him how important hockey is to him when he sees how important dogs are to you. I didn’t see it at first, but now I do,” he says slowly, looking over at me, “You are what he needs.”
I smile at him shyly at his proclamation; I had not been expecting to hear that. Not in a million years.
“But, under the circumstances, things have become a little … difficult,” he says slowly, “Because you were gone for awhile and then just show up again claiming to have Sid’s baby… it makes things complicated.”
“Well what do you want me to say? I got lost in the woods but I found my way back?” I ask, looking at him incredulously.
“I need you to marry him,” he says stopping to look at him.
I’m taken aback by his solution, and it takes me a minute to find my voice.
“Excuse me?”
“I need you two to get married, it would help with the media and his image.”
“Troy… you may be Sid’s father, but don’t make me punch you,” I say taking a step back.
“Caitlin, you have to be reasonable. You haven’t been together in months and now you just show up with this?” he gestures to my stomach.
“ 'This’ happens to be your granddaughter. And the answer is no,” I say turning to walk back to the house.
“Caitlin…” he says walking to catch up with me.
“No. If and when Sid and I get married, I’m NOT doing it to protect his image. When I was younger there are some things I said I would never do, but life has altered that. But marrying for love is one thing I’m sticking to. I won’t marry Sid just to help what I know is a media nightmare.”
“I thought you did love him.”
“I do,” I say firmly, looking him in the eye.
“Than I don’t see a problem,” he matter of factly.
“No. If I marry him, I need to be sure that I can do this forever, and right now, I can’t trust him with forever.”
“Well you two already have a child, that’s a life right there.”
“I said no. I need to be able to trust him,” I say before walking up the driveway to the house.
“How do we know if you’ll ever trust him, again?” he calls after me.
I stop and turn to face him.
“When I say, ‘Yes’.”
I watch from the back, a guy with a head set on and holding a clipboard stood beside me and some of the guys were in the back. I was tucked away unseen just like he wanted me, but still observing what was going on.
I bite my lip nervously as I watch him walk up the stairs to the stage where the table was. Cameras flashing, red lights blinking to begin recording, and papers russling as he takes his seat and they ready for what he has to say. A quiet murmur can be heard around the room, no doubt wondering what the press conference was about. He sat there in a dark charcoal sweater that was unzipped at his throat, his hair neatly pressed into a slight faux hawk (just as I said I like it). I let out a deep breath, that I realized I had been holding in. An arm drapes across my shoulder and pulls me into a rock hard body. I try to relax into him, but I can’t.
“It’s going to be ok,” Kris whispers in my ear.
“I hope so,” I whisper back
He clears his throat and I can see him figet with the water bottle cap. No one else might be able to tell, but I could. He wipes his palms on his jeans as all quiets down, he was nervous.
“Thank you all for being here today. I called this press conference because I wanted the truth to come from me and not to be leaked out and spread without warning. This was something I couldn’t hide, nor do I want to hide it. I was given the news a few months ago, and I think it’s time I shared it. This is quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I would appreciate it if both myself and, especially, the people involved were treated with the utmost respect,” he speaks with his press like voice to the reporters, trying not to convey his nervous emotions.
“Caitlin Shaw and I, “ he states, quickly glancing over at me with a smile, “Are expecting a baby girl.”
