Discovering...Love?

Thank you for all of the wonderful comments! They really brighten my day and they just increase my love for this story, because you readers seem to like this story too. So thank you! This chapter is a bit of a filler, but it’s one of those chapters that need to happen in the story. I sat down last night and planned the rest of the story out (only 6 more chapters and an epilogue!). I’m going to apologize now because the story is going to be very fast paced coming up. There will be quite a bit of jumping around so that I can fit every thing in, but hopefully you will like the way everything turns out. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the last chapters!

~ Aeryn

“Alright, let’s do this,” I tell myself quietly, “1…2...3! Push!”

I push, using my legs to anchor me down and I use as much of my weight to push and as little muscle as possible. It budges but only a few inches to the left. I stand back; it didn’t look good there. So far it looked best where it was in the first place against the stairs. I huff in frustration. And use my weight to push against the arm of the couch, pushing it across the hard wood floor.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I hear him shout, “You’re not suppose to move anything. Think about…”

“…The baby. I know. I was just using my weight and leaning against it. It’s fine,” I sigh frustrated, pushing my now shorter hair out of my face. It was getting too long falling halfway down my back. Now it was just touching my collar bone. It cut my shower time half and it was much less of a hassle.

“Why didn’t you just call for me?”

“I’m pregnant not wheel chair bound, Sidney.”

“And too goddamned stubborn for your own good,” he smirks, “Now, where did you want to move the couch?”

“Back to where it was in the first place. It looked best there.”

“I told you that,” he sighs, before pushing the couch back in place.

“I know, but I just wanted to make sure.”

Sid and I had talked after I had left Tanger’s house around Christmas, like I promised we would. Somehow he convinced me to move into his house, the one that was across from my old one, and he would put all of his stuff in storage and stay in Mario’s house for a while. Apparently he had been staying there since we had broken up. He didn’t have to push too hard, but I was still hesitant. He had come home late last night from a game in Buffalo and had a game in three days. After that the team was hitting the road for a 3 game streak. We had a baby doctor’s appointment at my new OB GYN that the one in Utah I had been going to recommended in two days. We would hopefully be able to learn the sex of the baby then. Which we were both extremely excited about.

But tonight, before we ordered the Chinese food I had been craving (Sid didn’t know about that part yet) we were going to call his parents and tell them. To say I was nervous was an understatement. We had wanted to tell them in person, but they couldn’t make it down until next week. Plus we wanted them to know before the rest of the team and the whole world. Sure we wanted to wait, but I really wanted to see my friends again and I was blatantly pregnant. We though the Grandparents should know before the rest of the world.

“Ok how’s that?”

I stand and look around; it looked strikingly similar to the lay out at the house across from us. I like it.

“Good! And you put the bed together?”

“Yup.”

“Great! Dog beds?”

“All laid out in the den.”

“Fantastic! Should we do the deed then? Before ordering Chinese for dinner?” I sigh, sitting down on the couch.

“Yeah, we should… We’re ordering Chinese?” he asks flopping down next to me.

“Yup! Chicken and broccoli with fried rice and raspberry sherbet.” I nod.

“Raspberry sherbet?”

“Hey, don’t ask me!” I retort, pointing to my belly, “He or she asks and I eat.”

He just grins at me, placing his hand on my even more swollen stomach. When I had first arrived, he had this HUGE dopey smile on his face when he saw that I was now very pregnant at almost 21 weeks. I had passed my halfway point and the baby was definitely in there. There was no hiding it. And the baby was by no means quiet either; he or she loved to kick. I swear he or she was going to be a soccer player, you’d think it was David Beckham’s kid. Sid had yet to feel the fluttery movements.

“Should we do it now?” he asks me, after we had both been sitting there for at least 10 minutes, all the dogs had since curled up in their usual places.

I sigh. I was really dreading this.

“Yeah.”

He gets up and walks into the kitchen to retrieve the phone. He takes a deep breath hitting the first number.

“WAIT!”

“What?!” he says, slightly panicking at my sudden outburst.

“We should order Chinese first. It takes 30 minutes at least.”

He just laughs and continues dialing his parents’ number.

“Hello?”

Sid’s POV

“Mom, hi! Are you busy?”

“No, what’s up? Is everything alright?”

“Umm… yeah, everything is great actually. Is Dad home?”

“Yeah, hold on I’ll get him for you.”

“Wait, mom, just tell him to get the other line. I … we… have something to tell you,” I say into the speakerphone. I look to her; she gives me a nervous look as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

“We?”

“Yeah, Caitlin and I,” I smile, giving Caitlin’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hi, Trina,” she says, finally piping up.

“Caitlin! I didn’t know you were back in Pittsburgh!” Mom says surprised.

“Yeah, I just moved back.”

“Does this mean you two are together again?”

“Mom, would you just please go get Dad?” I chuckle; leave it to my mom to get ahead of herself.

“Oh, alright, hold on,” she sighs, “TROY! SIDNEY IS ON THE PHONE HE WANTS TO TALK TO US!”

I chuckle as I hear his muffle yell back to her.

“Sid?”

“Hey Dad, Mom are you there too?” I ask.

“Yes honey I’m here.”

“Ok, like I said Caitlin and I have something to tell you…”

“Caitlin’s back?” my dad asks surprised.

“Hey, Mr. Crosby,” she says meekly.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were back in Pittsburgh,” he says with almost no emotion in his voice. Making me wonder if we should tell them, which of course we should but now I was a tad more nervous.

“I just recently moved back,” she sighs.

“That’s what we needed to talk to you about,” I say before anyone else can add anything just yet, “Caitlin… well, I asked her to move back and she is living at my place now.”

“Are you two back together?” Dad asks darkly.

“No, not yet,” I sigh.

“We’re just friends,” Caitlin says, sending a look my way that told me I probably should have left the ‘not yet’ part out.

“But you’re living together.” My mom says, confused.

“Well, not exactly. I’m staying at Mario’s like I have been for the past couple months.”

“Not exactly? Caitlin are you looking for a place?” Dad asks.

“I… well…” she answers, looking up at me for help.

I sigh, and nod my head. I should just tell them.

“Mom, Dad, Caitlin is pregnant,” I kind of just blurt out. I look over to Caitlin who is holding her breath waiting for a response, and I find that I’m doing the same.

There is just silence on the other end.

“And, I’m the father,” I add after a few minutes, for the sake of clarification. To which Caitlin gives me a look that clearly says “duh.”

“But, she has been gone since October…” my father says, clearly confused and stunned, “Are you sure it’s yours?”

“Dad…” I find myself growling, to which Caitlin puts a hand on my arm. The warmth of her hand was gentle and made me calm, letting out a deep breath.

“I’m 5 months pregnant, Mr. Crosby. Almost to my 21 week,” she says speaking up, “that pins the conception time to right around the end of August…”

“Which is when I came back to Pittsburgh after the summer break,” I add, “The baby is mine.”

More silence.

“We wanted to tell you in person, but you said you can’t make it up until next week.”

“And I really can’t hid anything anymore,” Caitlin smirks, “I want to see everybody, and if I do that, they will know I’m pregnant, and be able to make a very accurate assumption of who the father is. But before we do that, we wanted you to know first.”

More silence.

“Mom? Dad? Could you please say something?” I sigh.

“I… I honestly don’t know what to say,” Dad says speaking up first, “Are you two going to get married?”

I hear Caitlin sigh heavily as she leans her head on the back of the couch. It was a kind of touchy subject.

“Uhmm… well… we haven’t really talked about that,” I say slowly, looking over at her with a guilty look. Trying to tell her I’m sorry without actually saying it.

She nods and sits up suddenly, putting her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.

“I’m going outside with the dogs. I think, you three will get more talking done with me not sitting here,” she sighs.

I nod, she was right. We were all holding back. She slips on her boots and a jacket before whistling for the dogs and walking out the door.

“Look, I do want to marry her. But right now, that’s not an option. She just wants to be friends right now, and I have to accept that,” I say as soon as she closes the door.

“Sidney, you have to think about your reputation though,” Dad says his voice rising slightly.

“I know that Dad. It’s just…” I sigh, this was so damn complicated, “I hurt her, a lot and Bran just died too You know Caitlin, she’s all about trust, and right now, I screwed up. I want to be in my child’s life, and if that means just being friends with Caitlin at the moment, then that’s what I’ll do."

“But Sidney…” Mom pipes up.

“I know. But, right now, I’m just happy that she’s in Pittsburgh. I had to beg her to move back and she had to leave her dream job. She was willing to comeback because of the baby, and I have to prove that I can be there for her before we can move forward in our relationship.”

“How long have you known?” Dad adds in.

“She was home for Christmas and told me.”

“Who knows?” He was quick with the questions.

“Her family, one of her friends, Kris Letang, and I told Mario.”

“Don’t make any public announcements until I’m there. You and I will talk to Pat about this. See how we should handle the situation so that it does the least bit of damage to your profile,” Dad growls, “I’ll see you next week Sidney. Don’t do anything else stupid.”

I grit my teeth to keep from yelling back as he hangs up the phone.

“Sidney?” I hear Mom say quietly. “How do you feel about this? About being a father?”

I break out in a grin as I look out the window to see Caitlin laughing at something that one of the dogs had done, most likely Hawkeye.

“I don’t think words can describe, Mom. I’m nervous, but so excited. I can’t wait for you to see her, she just… she just seems to glow.”

“But you’re happy?” she asks.

“Yeah, yeah I really am Mom,” I smile, watching as she throws a snowball to Flash who catches it in mid air. “I know you are disappointed in me for not being more careful, but please don’t blame Caitlin. I’m just as responsible and if you’re going to be mad, be mad at me and not her or the baby…” I begin my worried rant, the last thing I wanted was for them to be mad at Caitlin or hold a grudge against the baby.

“Sidney, Caitlin makes you happy, and I don’t think I could have picked out anybody more perfect for you. Do I wish you were married first and the child was planned, yes I do. But Sidney, I don’t blame anyone,” she says, excitement in her voice unlike that of my dad’s.

“Thanks Mom,” I say with a relieved sigh.

“Ok, when is she due? Is it a boy or a girl? Have you thought of any names?” she begins excitedly throwing out questions.

“Whoa, slow down there… Grandma. The due date is May 24^th, and right now, that’s all we know. We have a baby doctor’s appointment in two days and we will get to find out the sex then,” I smile as Caitlin walks in the door.

“Well… I’m going to let you go, but I just wanted you to know…”

“Oh, wait hold on Mom, she just came back in,” I say turning the phone on speaker.

Caitlin just looks at me curiously, no doubt unsure where she stands in the conversation.

“I just wanted to say congratulations, and I can’t wait to see you next week.” She smiles.

“I’ll be as big as a house by then,” Caitlin chuckles.

“I can’t wait to see you! I bet you are so cute, pregnant!” my mom laughs.

“No, I’m not I look like…” Caitlin begins.

“You look beautiful,” I cut in. She looks down with a small shy smile, her chocolate brown eyes soft.

“Alright you two, I’ll talk to you later. Tell me how the appointment goes and I’ll try and work on your father a little bit,” she sighs.

“Bye mom.”

“Bye, Trina see you soon.”

Caitlin looks over to me as I push the end button, hanging up. Her eyes holding worry and a touch of guilt. I smile, pulling her into me lightly. She freezes at first, but soon melts into me, her head pillowed on my shoulder as my fingers lace with hers over her stomach and I plant a kiss in her coconut scented hair, she had cut it before she came back. It was no longer half way down her back but just skimming her collarbone, it's like she planned to tease me with the bare skin.

“Well that’s done,” I sigh.

“Your mom seemed excited. How mad was your dad?”

“Not exactly thrilled,” I grimace.

“Yeah I thought so,” she sighs. “So… how bout that Chinese? We’re starved.”

I let out a laugh. Even though this wasn’t planned, it seemed right.

Caitlin’s POV

I lay in amid 5 furry bodies on my king size bed, looking up the few animal shelters in Pittsburgh. The laptop perched on my growing stomach. I needed a job, something to do or I was gonna go insane! Right now, I was settling on doing some jobs here and there. The police department wanted a run through with their K-9 police dogs, the dogs and I were scheduled to do a show for the hospital soon, and I was going to go to some shelters to help out really bad cases for free. After all that’s what I did in Utah. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go with my career, but for right now that would have to suffice.

Today was the day of the baby appointment. But before hand, I was picking Sid up from practice, so we could go straight to the appointment. We were also planning on telling the guys today. Sid had wanted to do it yesterday, but I wanted to get more stuff unpacked and get a little more settled into the house. Sid had told them yesterday that I was back, but he didn’t tell them that I was pregnant. So I was going to walk into a locker room filled with my old friends that I hadn’t seen in months. The only ones that knew I was pregnant were Tanger, Mario, and Bylsma (Sid had told him yesterday), but Mario wouldn’t be there (We were waiting to get them and the Crosby’s all to lunch there next week), Bylsma hadn’t seen me yet, and Kris hadn’t seen me lately. Yup, today was the day of my unveiling. I was both excited to see my old friends and nervous at their reactions.

I look over to the clock, 11:00. I finish up my email to one of the shelters, offering my services, before shutting my laptop and placing it on the table next to me. I sigh, placing a hand on Ty’s head, to which he opens his eyes to look at me lazily before closing them again.

“Alright, I should get ready,” I groan getting out of my comfy bed and heading to the shower.

I watch as the milk makes a spiral in the hot dark brown liquid. Could I? Should I? Would I? I gently stir my concoction around in the porcelain mug, the metal spoon clinking on the sides of the cup.

“Caitlin, will you please say something? You haven’t said a word since we got to the house, just ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’” he says quietly, looking at me from across the old wooden table. Maggie had her head in is lap and Finn and Ty both lay at my feet alert and ready to jump at any sign of trouble.

“I just don’t think I can Sidney,” I sigh shaking my head.

“Please, if not for you or me, at least for the baby,” he begs, “He or she deserves to have a father.”

“I know, I know. Sidney, I would never deprive you of the baby. It’s just as much yours as, it is mine,” I whisper, threading my fingers through my hair and pushing it out of my face.

He stands up, coming to kneel by my chair. He brings my chin up gently with his warm hand so that I will look him in the eye, his eyes turning a greener color as they silently pleaded with me. Concern and fatigue showed in the rawness of his face. He seemed very tired. I could faintly smell his spicy cologne, more of a comforting smell than I would like to admit. I had never seen him more vulnerable than I was seeing him now, and I doubt that I will ever see him this broken again. At least I hoped I would never see him this broken again, it was almost as painful as me being broken. . . almost.

“Look, I know I’ve hurt you, way too many times. But you can trust me, I will do anything to get you back in my life. Both of you. I’ve already missed what, 4 months of your pregnancy? I don’t want to miss the rest of it. I want to watch you get bigger as my child grows inside you. I want to be there when he or she is born. I want to go to all the doctor’s appointments from here on out. I will be there every moment that my schedule allows for.”

“But what about me, Sid? What about what I want?” I ask quietly, “I want you to be there, I do. But I have a life in Utah now. I love my job there; I’m actually making a difference there. These dogs, they can be adopted after I help get them straightened out. Here I was just training dogs. The dogs at Best Friends really need my training.”

“You were making a difference here. You were helping train people and their dogs so that they didn’t need to be “fixed.” You saved Sam. Caitlin, if you hadn’t adopted him he would be dead. But instead he is one of Tanger’s best friends. You helped my sister get over her fear of dogs. You helped me open my eyes to what a dog could be, and to what a partnership was without ever being in one. You had the perfect relationship,” he whispers.

“What partnership? I didn’t have a partner,” I say confused. No one worked with me but Mary, but she was just my secretary. I inhale sharply, “Bran?”

“Bran. Bran was your partner. It seemed like I was always living in his shadow, and for once I was jealous of someone else, and that someone was a dog. I felt like I could never measure up to him, because he was always there for you. Always putting you first.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?” I ask.

“Because it just would have started a fight. There was really nothing that could be done about it, he was who you really loved,” he smiles weakly at me.

“Yes, but I loved you too,” I shook my head at him.

“But he was first. Looking back I can understand why, but I was just never very good at sharing or being in second place. Plus, Bran helped me too. I knew you would be safe with him. I mean, sure you have all the dogs, but Bran would have done anything for you. Caitlin, I’ve seen married couples with less of a connection than you had with Bran.”

I nod, the tears falling faster now.

“I’m so sorry you lost him, Caitlin. I know how much he meant to you,” Sid says, using his thumbs to catch the tears that had begun falling from my cheeks.

“Why did all of this happen? All at one, it was so overwhelming, with Bran, then you, and then the baby,” I whimper, before I’m pulled up from my chair and in to his arms. His solid muscle next to my softer curves. . It seemed that he had packed on more muscle, since I had left. But it wasn’t his body that I was so thrilled with being pressed against mine. It was him, all of him. It felt … excuse the cliché… like heaven. It felt like I was finally back where I was meant to be. Someone that understood, someone that knew how much I was hurting. I knew other people knew what I had been going through and Tanger had one of the best pair of shoulders to cry on, but here felt like I was home. His strong arms around me, protecting me. As ironic as that sounded.

“That’s what you had to tell me that night, isn’t it? About the baby?” he asks, his chin resting on my head as he continued to hug me.

I nod, unable to say anything.

I hear him sigh, before he says, “I’m so sorry babe.”

All I can do is nod as I feel more tears welling up, but I’ve cried enough. Actually more than enough, but my unbalanced hormones made it easy to cry more than I liked. I pull away from him and sigh, grabbing my tea off the table before walking downstairs to sit in a comfier chair. I curl up in my Granddad’s big lazy boy, hugging my warm cup of tea. Sid follows my lead, sitting in the rocking chair next to it. Maggie follows him and putting her head in his lap again so that he could pet her, making me chuckle.

“She missed you,” I smile at him.

He smiles looking down at her.

“Yeah, I missed her too. I didn’t have anyone to take my pregame nap with.”

I smile and look out the window, looking as leaves swirl around in the blustery weather.

“When are you going back to Utah?” he asks quietly.

“Day after tomorrow. I have to get back to work,” I say looking over to him, my eyes staring into his.

“Could you not? “

“I don’t know Sid…” I sigh, my hands coming up to massage my temples as I think, “I don’t think we should just start living together again. Right, now I think it would be better to just remain friends. Maybe later… but now, it’s too soon.”

“Caitlin, I don’t want you living so far away. What if something happens? It’s a long flight to Utah,” he questions.

“I know, but…”

“I don’t want to miss anything more. I’ve already missed four months. I want you to be here with me.”

“Sid, it’s not that I don’t see things from your point of view, but…” I sigh, I was getting a headache, it has been a long day and it was only 12:30. “Look, I just need to think about some things, ok?”

He nods.

“I need to get going. But I want to see you again before you leave,” he says getting up.

“Ok,” I whisper getting up. He walks over to me cupping my face in his hands. His touch gentle and protective, making me melt.

“We still need to figure things out before you leave. Please don’t just leave again, and if I call promise me you’ll pick up the phone,” he says, looking me in the eye, silently begging me.

“Ok,” I nod, “I have to go say bye to Beth and Kris tomorrow, so we can meet up in Pittsburgh.”

He just nods looking into my eyes, “I love you,” he whispers, the sincerity in his eyes is enough to make my breath catch. His one hand drops to my stomach, covering the small bump with his hand in a protective manner. “Both of you.”

All I can do is nod as tears well up in my eyes. I was unsure I would ever hear those words, but I couldn’t reciprocate them. I did love him, but I was afraid if I spoke my feelings everything would just end up like it had. I couldn’t handle that, not again.

He kisses my forehead and walks out the door and crosses the patio to the bridge, climbing the stone stairs to his car and finally driving away down the road. Leaving me to think of all the events that had just occurred.

How did this all happen? It seemed like everything was dumped on me at once, and I just didn’t know how to feel anymore. I am so confused, about everything. I had always been so sure of my life, so secure in my routines. Sure they changed from time to time. But it seemed as though my life had been turned upside down in the past few months. I was fighting desperately to keep my head above water and right myself, but I was exhausted.

I had always been so sure of myself, so sure of the person I was, and how strong I was. But now… now, I just didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know if I could be with Sid again, the way he wants us to be. I was unsure if I could be a single mother, hell, I didn’t WANT to be a single mother. Plus I didn’t want the baby to grow up without a father and I didn’t want Sidney to be deprived of his child. And even then, do I leave Utah. Do I leave my dream job and all that I have worked for? This was the job I had dreamed about since I was little, and I never thought it would be made a reality. And now here it was, I was working just as I wanted to and I loved it. But now, I felt as though I had to give it up. Give up my dreams for life. When you’re young, it’s as if everything will work out, that you have your dreams and you know you are going to conquer them. But what happens when life gets in the way? Even though I had 5 more months to officially meet my child, his or her life was more important. But even still, could I move back to Pittsburgh? I couldn’t be the stay at home mom. I would go insane! I needed my work, I needed my dogs. I’m so confused. I have no idea what to do.

And then there is telling everyone. I had told my family of course, and Beth and Kris knew. I had finally told the person who matters most, the father of the child. But when the father of your child is labeled as “Canada’s Golden Boy” and the “Face of the NHL” how do you tell, not only his family and the Penguins Organization, but the whole world that Sidney Crosby was about to be a father to a child conceived out of wedlock? I can see the chat rooms now, calling me a whore and a slut. Questions would undoubtedly surface as to whether the child was Sid’s or not, especially since I had disappeared almost 4 months ago. Not to mention that I had just gotten on good terms with his father before I had left.

What were we going to do? What was I going to do?

“RUFF!”

I jump as Flash’s urgent bark snaps me out of my thoughts. All the dogs were waiting by the door, apparently needing out.

“Oops, sorry guys,” I laugh, opening the door so that they could go out.

Sid’s POV

A Dad. I was going to be a Dad. I would come home to the pitter-patter of tiny foot-steps. I would take on a new name that I had never been called before, Daddy. I knew it would come with complications, raising a kid was by no means easy. But I had always loved kids, had always wanted to be a father. And now that chance was being made a reality. I tried to picture our child; the kid was doomed to have dark hair, unless Caitlin and I both had a recessive gene for blond. I could picture him or her having big brown eyes, just like his or her mother. God help me if it was a girl, I’d have to beat the boys away from her if she looked anything like her mother.

But what would my parents think? How would I even approach them with this? This was big, really big! Life altering. When I had told them that Caitlin left they weren’t all too thrilled; however, being that I was mostly to blame for her running away, they didn’t hate her. She made a great impression on them when she met them, and hopefully that would help. Hopefully. Then again there was everyone else to think about. Should I keep this under wraps for as long as possible? Could I keep this under wraps for as long as possible? I already wanted to get it out there that I was going to be a father; I wanted to shout it out off the rooftops! But that was completely out of the question, I had to think about my career and I had to think of Caitlin too.

Honestly, I was scared as hell that she was going to leave again. Without a trace and without warning just like last time. I needed her in my life, and the baby put the odds in my favor. I knew she wouldn’t want to deprive the kid of its father or me from my kid, but I didn’t know how this was going to work out. I needed someone to talk to, but who? I couldn’t talk to my parents, that was out of the question at this point in time. Tanger knew and he was a good friend, but he already dealt with this enough. Beth? Beth didn’t really know me that well, or understand my situation. Colby? No, not quite yet, and I think Caitlin would like to see his face. Marc? Jordan? No, Caitlin should be there too. Max... Ha, yeah right. I tap my thumbs on the steering wheel as I think. Looks like I was going back to the one person I knew I could trust.

I pull into the driveway. It was only 4 o’clock, and I hoped he was home from the meeting. I need to talk to someone, and I didn’t want to slip anything to anyone else until I got his opinion.

I walk in the house, kicking off my shoes by the door before heading into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I walk in to find Mario trying to snatch a piece of cantaloupe out of the fruit salad Nat is making. She playfully smacks his hand away but not before he can snatch a piece and pop it into his mouth with a smile.

“Honestly, Mario, sometimes you’re worse than the kids,” she huffs mixing the fruit salad.

“One of the many reasons you love me,” he grins back wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek sweetly, making her smile.

I can only hope that I’m like that one day with my future wife. I had gotten a step further though and knew who I wanted it to be… even if it may never be.

Caitlin’s POV

I knock on the door; hearing excited barking in the background. I chuckle as I hear a soft deep set of words come from the other side of the door, talking to the dog. I couldn’t make out what the words were though; I think they are in French.

The door opens to reveal a man in simple jeans and a t-shirt, with a backwards baseball cap on, keeping his dark hair out of his eyes.

“Hey, come on in,” he smiles at me.

“Hi!” I grin back, stepping into the house, the my pack of dogs following behind me. I bend down to pet the wiggling Rottweiler begging for my attention. “Hi, Sammy!”

After closing the door behind him, Kris pulls me into a big bear hug.

“How have you been? How did it go?”

“Umm… good, I guess. I think. I don’t know,” I sigh, shaking my head.

“Yeah, that’s along the lines of what Sid said,” he chuckles, leading us into the living room.

“How about your family?” he smiles, “How are they? Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did! I hardly ever get to see my mom, dad, and brother anymore. I mean, I didn’t see them very often as is, but after I moved, I hardly ever see them,” I smile sadly. I was actually pretty close to especially my mom. It was hard for her, me living so far away and pregnant.

“Yeah, I know how that is,” he smiles sadly back.

There is a comfortable silence between us.

“Are you still leaving tomorrow?” he asks, breaking our silence.

I sigh, I had thought long an hard about it. A part of me, a big part of me, wanted to do the opposite, but I don’t think could.

“Yes.”

I know, I know... yet another heavy chapter. But I promise it's going to get better soon! Thanks for reading!

Sorry it took so long. Life is a crazy thing and I have a great appreciation for sleep so that takes up my free writing time. Thanks to everyone who voted and thanks for the name suggestions, I really appreciate it!

~Aeryn

“I never thought it would happen,” he states quietly, looking straight ahead with a dazed expression.

“What?” I ask, turning off the car and looking over at him in confusion.

“I’m alive! I made it all the way from Bloomington to Pittsburgh with you driving!”

Kris and I had made the day and a half journey from Utah to Pittsburgh in two parts. We started our journey at 4 in the morning and he insisted that he drive the first 19 hour streak from Utah to Kansas City, coffee in hand and my jeep packed to capacity with dogs and luggage. It being 4 AM and me without coffee because of the baby, I didn’t put up much of a fight for the drivers seat. The doctor had limited me on my coffee to one cup a day, instead of my normal two. But after he found out how strong I made my coffee, he thought it best to cut it out of the equation for now.

We bunkered down in Kansas City that night to get some rest before leaving again the next morning for the last 14-hour stretch. Kris again insisted he drive but at the half way mark, I finally managed to push him out of the driver’s seat in Bloomington, Indiana and drive the final 7 hours home.

“Oh please, I’m not a bad driver,” I say getting out of the car and letting the dogs out.

“No, you’re not a bad driver… Speed Racer,” he grins walking with me to the door with the dogs behind us.

“I wasn’t driving that fast, we didn’t get pulled over.”

“That’s because you were going so fast the speed guns couldn’t catch you… OUCH,” he says grinning and rubbing the arm that I had punched him in, before pulling out his keys.

After unlocking he door, he let’s everyone inside. As he turns on the light I see someone else come running from the kitchen.

“SAMMY!” I smile as the Rottweiler comes barreling our way.

He immediately runs to me, his butt wiggling so fast that it looks like it might fall off.

“Awwww, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in forever!” I laugh as he rolls on his back to expose his tummy for me to pet.

After receiving a quick tummy rub he moves to his owner, giving him sloppy kisses on the cheek as Kris bends down to pet him.

“Here, I’ll show you the guest room,” Kris says with a smile taking my bag from my hand and leading me up the stairs.

It was already 10:30 and although I wanted to see Beth and my family, I was exhausted. After all we had been in the car for the better part of two days. So Kris was nice enough to give up his guest room for the night.

After he shows me the room, I go back downstairs and set about getting dinner for the dogs and let them out for the last time before I head back upstairs

“Kris, I’m going to go to bed,” I say popping my head into the living room where he was watching TV.

“Ok, night Ace,” he says watching some tape from a Devils vs. Panthers game.

“Night, and thanks Kris,” I smile before heading upstairs all the dogs, including Sam, following close behind me.

I turn the light on in “my room” with a sigh, looking at the empty bed, my eyes growing heavier and heavier. I change into my boxers and old t-shirt before making my way to the bathroom to crush my teeth and wash my face.

Finally, I make it back to the comfy looking bed and slide under the cool sheets and warm comforter. My body relaxing, but my mind wondering. I was dangerously close to Sid finding me and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. What would I do if he found me? For the past 3 months I hadn’t allowed myself to think about, I had pushed it to the back of my brain, telling myself I would worry about it when… if the time came. Now that I was back in Pittsburgh, and in his teammate’s house, he was no longer over 2,000 miles away and it both scared and excited me. Would he come and try to find me? Would I let him talk? Would he beg me to trust him again? Beg me to come back? If he did would I accept? Could I swallow my pride and stubbornness to do what was best for my child and his? Our baby deserved to have a father and Sid deserved to know that he was a father. But for him to be the child’s life, he also had to be in mine. Could I do that? Could I let him back in? Was I strong enough?

Suddenly I feel the bed dip beside me and arms pull me into a strong chest.

“Hey, hey… what’s with the tears?” he whispers in the darkness, his thumbs brushing away the wetness on my cheeks.

“Kris… I’m not sure that I can do this,” I whisper my voice breaking.

“Do what, Ace?”

“THIS! Here in Pittsburgh, with him so close. I don’t know if I can do it… I don’t know if I’m, if I’m strong enough…”

“Oh, Ace…” He whispers hugging me close, “You are the strongest person I know.”

I burry my face into his strong shoulder, wetting his cotton t-shirt with my salty tears. I felt weak and helpless, I hated feeling this way. I felt like I was losing me, the real me would have never broken like this. I curl myself tightly against his chest, my arms coming to his neck to hang on tight. He gently rubs my back and it prompts a sob to break free.

“I’m scared Kris.”

* * * *

“Ruff… Ruff…”

I stir only to find myself against a very warm, masculine body, a heavy arm weighing down my waist. My eyes shoot open in surprise and then I let out a sigh of relief when I realize who it is, and that we are both fully clothed.

“Ruff…”

“Alright Flash,” I whisper back, moving carefully so as not to wake Kris.

But his arms close tightly around me and pull me back to him.

“Kris…” I whisper.

“Just give me a few more minutes,” he mumbles back in a sleep groggy voice.

“I have to let the dogs out,” I chuckle.

“Fine. But come right back,” he grumbles letting me loose.

“I will,” I smile getting up and pulling my tank top down over the bump in my stomach. Bodies wiggle all around me with excitement.

“Good Morning,” I say my hands passing through various coats of fur with an occasional lick as my answer.

I make my way down the carpeted steps, the material soft beneath my bare feet, my pack behind me. I let them out into the cool December weather. I sigh, before letting them in 10 minutes later. I didn’t really want to go upstairs and talk about my problems. The last thing I wanted to do was burden Kris, I just wanted to move on. Get going with the day.

I walk upstairs to find that he has seemingly passed out again. I sigh; maybe more sleep wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I pad across the room to the warm inviting bed and slip under the covers facing him. After a moment I hear him inhale deeply and his strong arms reach out to pull me into him, apparently he isn’t asleep. I smile and nuzzle my nose into his neck, getting comfortable.

After a few minutes, I feel him kiss the top of my head and his voice rumbles against the cheek I have against his chest.

“I’m sorry Caitlin.”

“For what?” I ask curiously, my brow furrowing.

He lets out a long sigh before continuing.

“For what he did to you.”

I bite my lip and push the tears back down that have welled up.

“Kris, you have nothing to do with that,” I whisper, trying to make my voice void of emotion.

“I know, but still.”

Moments of comfortable silence pass, as thoughts about Sid run through my head. I was alone in this. This being my life, my pregnancy, it was a very real possibility that there would be no one there with me, to help get me through labor. To be with me when my baby took his/ her first steps, said their first word, and even smiled for the first time. Sure Kris was there for me, as were my family and Beth. But I lived in Utah now; they were all over 2,000 miles away. I was alone. Just me and my dogs, and the being growing inside me. I hug Kris tighter at the thought.

“Ace?”

“Hmm…”

“You need to tell him.”

“Kris…” I sitting up and looking down at my hands so that he won’t see the tears pooling in my eyes.

“Look at me,” he whispers gentling pulling my chin up so that I’m staring back into his dark brown eyes. “Ace, you need to talk to him. You need to listen to what he has to say. I’m not saying that you have to get back together or fall in love again. Just … he’s miserable without you Ace and whether you want to hear it or not, so are you.”

“But…”

“I know you lost Bran, Ace. And I know how much he meant to you, but you’re not just upset about him. Even if you want it to come off that way. I know Sid hurt you too. You wouldn’t have moved nor would you have been crying in my arms last night if he didn’t. You need to talk to him.”

I sigh, looking down at my hands.

“I know. But I never fell out of love with him,” I whisper, “Not for the past 5 years.”

“Oh Ace,” he says pulling me close again, letting his shoulder soak up my tears, “He never stopped loving you either.”

Sid’s POV

I walk into the locker room for practice like I do everyday, but this time is not like every other day. This time I’m not first. Kris Letang sits on the bench tugging on his skates. I take a deep breath, looking for an exit, but his eyes come to meet mine and I know why I’m not the first here. He’s been waiting for me.

We stare at each other in silence. He gives away no emotion, his brown eyes shielded. I know he went to Utah, I know he brought her home.

“How is she?” I finally ask breaking the silence.

“Miserable,” he says in an even tone with a frown.

I nod my head, my heart ripping. I don’t know which would have been better. If I would hear that she is miserable without me, knowing that I caused it, or , as selfish as it sounds, her being happy and knowing that it is without me.

“Sid, you need to talk to her.”

“Kris, she doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s better off without me.”

“Better off without you?! Yeah, that was my exact thought when she was crying on my shoulder last night.”

“She was?” I ask guiltily as a sudden pain shoots through my heart.

“This is no longer about just you and her, you need to talk to her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just talk to her Sid. Thursday she’s going to burry Bran in her Grandparents field.”

“But Thursday is the day after Christmas.”

“Then consider it your Christmas present to me.”

Caitlin’s POV

I knock on the door, my dogs pooled around me. Almost immediately a woman with red wavy hair and a grin that stretches from ear to ear opens the door.

“You’re Back!!!” she squeals with delight, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Jesus, Beth, go easy. You’re going to send me into early labor!” I laugh, which immediately makes her pull away.

“Oh my God, I forgot! Let me look at you. Turn to the side,” she says motioning with her hand for me to turn.

I sigh and turn so that she can take in my profile.

“I never thought I would see the day when Caitlin Shaw was knocked up,” she grins, “You look absolutely adorable Cait.”

“Haha, thanks.”

“How is the baby? Do you know the sex yet?”

“No not yet. My doctor said that I can find out at my appointment next week.”

She looks at me and I can see the wheels turning in her head.

“Have you told…” she begins.

“No.”

“Cait…”

“I know Beth, I will.”

She let’s out a long sigh as I feel a paw hit my leg. I look down to see a big white dog shaking with excitement.

“Koda! Awww… I missed you!” I say bending down to his level as he licks my face, my hands threading through his thick white fur before letting him go see the other dogs.

From the doorway I see a taller man walk in with a baby in his arms.

“Oh my goodness. You have grown so much!” I say getting up to give Zach a hug and see the now much bigger Brad. He must have tripled in size since I last saw him.

“Hi,” I say in a voice that can only be used on a baby without it sounding utterly ridiculous, “You’re such a big boy now!”

He smiles showing me two sets of teeth, four in all. He gurgles and babbles out a string of undistinguishable words, while his chubby little legs bounce around excitedly. He was now 9 months old and it had been 4 months since I had last saw him.

“He’s not the only one that grew,” Zach smiles at me, to which I stick my tongue out at him. “Mature as ever I see.”

“So tell me what it’s like,” Beth smiles, motioning for me to sit next to her on the couch.

“What, What’s like?”

“Utah. Being someone’s employee. Being pregnant.”

“Haha, ok. Well, Utah is good so far. A little too hot for my liking but luckily its been pretty cool so far. I love my job! Beth, I feel like I’m actually making a difference in these dogs’ lives! I kinda miss making up my own schedule, but they give me a lot of wiggle room and the people there are great.”

“I’m glad you like it there. How’s pregnancy treating you?”

“Ok. I mean, I spent a few weeks next to a toilet. My apatite has increased and I had to go give up coffee, caffeine withdrawal was a ton of fun,” I laugh.

There is silence as she looks at me.

“Cait, are you happy?” she says seriously.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you in forever. And it’s good to be back for a bit,” I smile.

“No, I’m mean are you happy, happy. With life right now?”

I sigh looking out the window, how to answer that question. I was happy with my job, I was pretty happy with how I was living, and although I was scared as hell I was also overjoyed with being pregnant. But I was lonely; something was missing that didn’t seem to be missing before.

“Honestly?” I sigh.

She nods.

“Not yet. Maybe someday soon, but not now, no,” I reply holding in the tears and putting up my strong front.

“I’m sorry about Bran… and Sid,” she says her green eyes conveying the depth of her sympathy.

“Yeah… yeah me too.”

* * * *

Days went by and Christmas came and went. My cousin had brought her boyfriend home for Christmas, inadvertently reminding me of last Christmas when I brought a friend. Everyone oohed and awed at my pregnancy, and gave advise on what was to come. Whether all of it was wanted advise is a different story. My family was relatively thrilled about the baby, especially my mom who was over the moon that she was finally going to be a grandma. But I also knew that they were disappointed that I wasn’t in contact with the father, even if they wouldn’t say it to my face, I knew. Besides, there was nothing they could do about it, and they knew I was too strong willed/ stubborn to make the first move with Sidney.

But now Christmas with the family was coming to a close, and I was due to go back to Utah the day after tomorrow. Later today I would say goodbye to my family before my parents and brother went back to Maryland. Tomorrow I would say goodbye to Beth and Tanger. The next morning bright and early, I was driving back to Utah.

But now… now I had something that needed to be done on my own. Just me, with a shovel and red urn in hand as I walk up to the field.

Sid’s POV

“She’s leaving the day after tomorrow, Sid. And she won’t be coming back for a while. You need to talk to her,” he stresses as I pull of my equipment with a sigh, sitting down, my head falling in my hands.

I knew he was right. I had to see her, try to make her understand how sorry I was, what happened that night. I had to see if she was really as miserable as I was, or if she was happy.

“I know Tanger. I know.”

I lay in bed. Going over what I need to say to her.

‘It meant nothing.’

‘I was drunk, I don’t even remember.’

‘I know it’s no excuse.’

‘It won’t happen EVER again’

‘I need you in my life.’

‘I’m sorry.’

But would she believe me? Would she yell at me? Would she tell me she hated me, that she found someone else? Would she even listen to what I had to say?

I knew now that I had to try. That I had to fight to get her back, which would be an uphill battle, but I had to try.

* * * *

I drive the 1 hour and a half, getting farther and farther into the woods. It was 9 in the morning, but I knew she would be up. The tires rumble over the pothole ridden back roads, turning onto a road that is so beat up that it might as well not be paved. I head deeper and deeper into the woods, the bare tree branches providing enough cover to make even this dreary day look even darker. There was no snow, but the cold was bitter.

I pull into the driveway next to a familiar light green jeep. I sigh and look down on to a small house painted green. There are no other cars in the long sloping driveway, telling me that no one else is home. I walk across one of the rickety wooden bridges that runs over the small stream running in front of the house. I make quick time of walking across the frozen grown and to the base of a steep hill, that looks like it goes deeper into the woods my nerves building more and more. I make my way up the hill; my heart pounding in my chest and it’s not from the almost vertical slope of the hill. I step over a branch right before I make it to my destination. A few birds chattered in the thicket to the left, with trails running through it. I take a deep breath and turn to my right, knowing that’s where she is.

As I approach I see a figure through a grove in the small trees off the path. She stands looking at three piles of rocks. The sight of her makes my heart flutter, and it feels like it might beat out of my chest.The left is the biggest pile, the right is slightly smaller, and there is an even smaller one in the middle that looks like it was just made. I hear her sniff and pull her coat tighter around her, her chestnut hair blowing in the bitter wind.

“I miss you,” she says in a broken voice.

The red marble felt cold to the touch, almost like an ice cube. My fingers traveled over the curves of the small vessel, taking in the red color with the complementary gold trim. The hot tears against my cheeks provided a subtle contrast to the cold stone of the urn, the urn that held my best friend. Mike had dropped off Bran’s ashes a few hours ago; they were contained within walls of the marble. The urn itself wasn’t much bigger than a coffee mug, but I told Mike to give me just any urn, even if it was just a simple wooden box. I mean, it’s not like I was going to put it on my mantle, like some pet owners I knew. The only reason I had had him cremated was because I wanted to take him back home and bury him in my grandfather’s field, with the family’s other fallen four-legged friends. But instead of giving me a simple wooden box, Mike gave me this red marble urn, with gold trim. He told me that it was his Christmas present to me. I didn’t know what to say, honestly I didn’t want the extravagant urn, but I gave a hug thanking him sincerely.

I sigh and brush the tears away to look to the hands of the clock on the mantel, 5:30, in the evening mind you. He would be here soon. I hadn’t seen him in forever and I was afraid he was mad at me, for just picking up and leaving. I had so much to tell him, so much to apologize for. He, like most of the other people I had left behind in Pittsburgh, had no idea I was pregnant. What would he think? Would he be mad at me for getting pregnant and not telling Sid? Would he look down on me, think less of me? There were so many times I wanted to call him, but I couldn’t. He was so connected with Sid. I didn’t want to interfere with my ex-boyfriend’s life and I didn’t want Kris to keep secrets from his Captain and friend.

I sigh, cracking my knuckles nervously before getting up to put some music on, I hated the silence. As I walk into the kitchen to turn on my iPod, Finn gets up from his place on the old lazy boy, Bran’s old spot, to follow me into the kitchen. I look through my songs, trying to find what song best complemented my mood. I finally settle on, “On Your Way” by Eastmountainsouth. The song providing a soothing and melancholy tone to complement my current state of life. Sure I as depressed, I felt hurt and unbelievably sad, but at the same time, I couldn’t go on like this. I could only wallow for so long before my mind and body could take no more. I had to move on. There was no way I as going to put on something upbeat like “Walking on Sunshine,” by Katrina and the Waves, I was by no means happy. But I could no longer let myself go to the low of the low, to the darkness of depression. I had to let the sunlight pour through my windows, instead of keeping them covered by the thick dark curtains.

I hear Ty bark and I look out of the kitchen to see the rest of the dogs get up and join him at the front window, barking and tails wagging. I go over to the window to see a strange car in the driveway, but a familiar guy gets out of it. Clad in jeans and a hoodie, his hand brushing his dark hair out of his face. He looked good, which was probably the very opposite of how I looked. In my old college sweatpants and hoodie, I looked like a grey blob. But I looked how I felt, like shit.

I open the door before he can knock. He stops in the doorway and just stares at me, with a smirk on his face.

“Kris… I…” I start, the tears forming in my eyes and my voice cracking.

“Come here,” he commands softly, opening his arms to me.

I step into his arms, finally breaking down completely, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” I hiccup after a few moments.

“Shhh… it’s ok,” he murmurs, smoothing my hair and kissing the top of my head.

"No, no it’s not. I just left, I didn’t even say goodbye. And I just call you, what four months later, because I needed you? You didn’t have to come all the way to Utah, I don’t deserve…” I begin pulling away from him and staring at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.

“Stop. Now look at me,” he orders, he puts two fingers under my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye, “You deserve more than this Caitlin. We all understand why you left, Sid told us what he did.”

“But, I shouldn’t have left you guys without saying goodbye,” I shake my head.

“Stop blaming yourself! Like I said, we understand why you left and we’re not mad at you. Now can we at least go sit down or are we going to keep standing in the doorway.

“Sorry,” I smile guiltily, closing the door behind him.

“So, tell me how you have been? How’s the new job? Catch me up on four months of your life,” he smiles sitting down on the couch.

I take a deep breath, I might as well tell him now.

“I have to tell you something. And I’ll understand if you just get up and leave, but you have to understand, I was hurt and I had to leave. And I will tell him…” I begin rambling.

“Caitlin, just tell me. I won’t leave,” he whispers pushing a piece of hair out of my eyes.

I look up to see him smiling at me encouragingly, it was now or never. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself a little.

“Kris… I… I’m pregnant,” I whisper, looking away from him.

He stares at me in shock, his mouth ajar at the news.

“Kris?”

“Wow, I umm… “ he says pushing a hand through hair, “Is… well… is Sid the father?”

“Yes,” I whisper, tears pushing at my eyes again, “I don’t know what to do. I know I need to tell him, but Kris, I don’t know if I can let him in again. It hurts too much.”

He sighs and looks at me with sympathy.

“You need to tell him Caitlin. He needs to know that he’s a father,” he says steadily.

“I know,” I whisper.

“He’s miserable without you, Ace. All he does is play hockey and train for hockey. It seems like he’s at the rink all the time. He pushes himself too hard. Have you watched any of the games?”

“No, not really. It’s just … with him on the ice…” I admit shamefully. I had been following the Pens like I always had, but I couldn’t watch the games anymore. It was just too painful, watching him and thinking about how broken he had left me.

“I understand,” Kris says hugging me, “but Ace…”

“I know, I know. I need to tell him,” I sigh, “he was here yesterday.”

“He was? Does he know?”” Kris asks in surprise, pulling back to look at me.

“I don’t think so. He got out of the car and we starred at each other for a few moments and then he got back in the car and left. “

“Why did he leave?”

“I don’t know!” I say, throwing up my hand in frustration.

“I’ll talk to him, see what I can find out. But Caitlin you need to tell him.”

“I know.”

“I’m going to call Sid and see what’s up,” he says about to get off the couch.

I nod and look over to the fireplace, wishing my partner was still here. The tears beginning to descend down my cheeks.

“Kris?”

“Yeah?” he says, looking down at me on the couch.

“Bran’s gone,” I whisper, my voice cracking as I try to keep myself from crying, my eyes never leaving the fireplace.

He let’s out a deep sigh and sits back down on the couch, pulling me into him, his arms tightly around me.

“Yeah, yeah I know,” he whispers back, letting me cry into his shoulder as he rubs my back, planting a kiss in my hair.

** Later **

“You’ve got to be kidding me?!” he says loudly, throwing his hands in the air.

“Well, I’m not putting them all on a plane!” I retort, stuffing a pair of socks into my suitcase, “I hate putting them in the cargo hold for so long. It’s just easier to drive.”

“I’m not letting you drive your Wrangler all the way back to PA alone!”

“Kris, I’m not flying! Besides, how the hell do you think I got here?!”

“Oh my God, you’re so damn stubborn!” he says frustrated, “You may have drove here alone, but you weren’t four month pregnant!”

“Kris…”

“I’m going with you. Make room in your car,” he says pulling me into a hug.

“But…” my words muffled by his shoulder.

“Shut it, Ace. I’m not leaving without you and I’m not letting you go by yourself.”

“Fine,” I sigh, giving in because I knew there was no way I was changing his mind, I wasn’t the only one that was stubborn, “We’ll leave first thing tomorrow, that way you can be rested and such, for the game in two days.”

“Sounds, perfect... You know when I first hugged you, I thought you had gained a few pounds, but I didn’t realize…” he pulls away, smiling down at me.

“That I was almost 18 weeks pregnant?” I giggle.

“Yeah,” he smiles, “Who would have thought that I would come here to find you knocked up, with a little Ace floating around inside you tummy.”

I can’t help but laugh, it was the first time I have laughed in awhile. It felt good.

“Thanks Kris, I needed that,” I smile, wrapping him in a hug.

“Any time Ace,” he smiles hugging me tightly.

“So when’s the due date?”

“May 24^th.”

“Oh boy, in the middle of the playoffs,” he smiles, “You can’t even tell you’re pregnant unless I hug you!”

I sigh, taking off my baggy sweatshirt to reveal my tight fitting tank top that barely fit over my swollen abdomen. I put my hands on my hips and turn to the side, letting him take in my full profile.

“Never mind,” he chuckles with a grin.

Sid’s POV

“Brrr… Brrr…”

I groan, looking over to the alarm clock next to my bed.

“Jesus Christ,” I mutter throwing the pillow over my head, “Who the hell calls me at 2:30 in the morning?”

My phone ceases its noise and I let out a sigh, hoping I can go back into the coma I had put myself in. Cursing the person that had called me, waking me from a dream that I couldn’t remember, but also a dream that didn’t have her staring as the main character for once in a long time. I had gotten back from Utah early this morning and after a full day in the training room, getting rid of my frustrations, I had finally exhausted myself so that I could sleep, without thinking of her.

“Brr…Brrr…Brrr…”

“UGH!” I groan, throwing the pillow to the other end of the bed and grabbing the phone off the nightstand, without bothering to look at the caller ID.

“What?!” I grumble into the phone.

“Sid.”

“Tanger?! What the hell, its 2:30 in the morning!”

“Sorry, “ he mumbles quickly, “Sid, what happened?”

“What do you mean what happened,” I ask annoyed, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

“What happened in Utah?”

That immediately wakes me up, how did he know? I hadn’t told anyone about my trip.

“How do you…”

"I’m at Caitlin’s now,” he says in a hushed voice, “She told me you were here, but then you just left. What happened?”

“She was with someone else Kris. She’s moved on,” I sigh; my head drooping as I finally say it out loud.

“Pfft, no she hasn’t,” he brushes off quickly, “What makes you think that?”

“Because she was in some other guy’s arms.”

“You must have read something wrong. Sid, she’s all alone up here, well sort of.”

“Kris…”

“I’m bringing her home in two days, Sid. She’s coming home for Christmas, and you two need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, we both have to just move on,” I sigh shaking my head.

“Oh Sid, there is a lot to talk about, trust me. I’ll be back before the game, and I’m going to bring her home with me and you two are going to talk and figure all this shit out.”

“Listen Kris…” I say rubbing my temples, trying to get rid of the headache that was building.

“Sid, go to bed, I’ll see you later,” he says before hanging up.

“But…” I try, but he already hung up.

I sigh, retrieving my pillow from the end of the bed. What could he mean, ‘there was a lot to talk about?’ Didn’t he realize I just wanted to forget, that I wanted this constant ache in my chest to go away?

Sighing, I pull the covers up around me again, facing away from the depressing sight of the vacant opposite side of the bed. So much for getting her out of my head. It was going to be a long night.

I hear the gravel in the driveway being crunched under the tires of a car, awaking me from my uneasy nap. I unravel myself from the loose ball I had curled into under a fleece blanket, and look over to where he lay, under the sheet on the fireplace hearth. I take a deep breath, wiping away tears and getting up from the couch as I hear a knock on the thick wooden door.

I open it too come face to face with a man wearing a sympathetic look on his face as he looked into my watery eyes.

“Hey, Mike,” I greet with a weak smile.

“Hey, kid, “ he says immediately coming through the doorway and taking me into a hug, “How you holding up?”

“Well, this whole pregnancy hormonal imbalance isn’t really helping anything, but I’ll be ok… eventually,” I say, attempting a joke.

“I’m so sorry,” he says pulling away and looking at me.

“Yeah, me too,” I murmur breaking his gaze and looking at the floor.

“Alright, “ he says breaking the silence, “Your pups are in the car. I’ll let them out and then come in and…”

“He’s over there on the fireplace hearth,” I say quietly nodding over to the fireplace.

I sigh, as he looks over to the fireplace and nods his head sadly, before walking back outside to his SUV to let the dogs out. I go out on the porch, so that they don’t come inside right away. They come bounding out of the car and rush up the porch steps to see me.

“Hey, guys!” I smile weakly, letting my hands pass over furry bodies.

They all seem to slow down around the door, like they can smell the death in the house. Finn is about to go in, but I stop him before he can make it through the doorway.

“Caitlin, why don’t you take them out back while I bring Bran out,” he says walking up the steps.

I nod and whistle for the dogs to follow me. They follow me solemnly, and we all stop in the side yard as I watch Mike come back out of the house with a bundle rapped in a charcoal sheet. He gets to his car and places it in the back before closing the hatch.

It was already planned that Bran would be cremated, and then I would take his ashes to bury him in the field at my grandparents’ house. There, he would reside with other fallen furry friends of the family.

He shuts the door and I walk back over to the porch.

“It will all be done by tomorrow evening,” he sighs running a hand through his grey streaked hair.

“Thanks Mike. For everything,” I sigh back.

“Of course! If you need anything, anything at all, just ask. Oh, and Liza told me to tell you not to stress to much, it’s bad for the baby,“ he smiles at me, his hand coming to pat my slightly swollen stomach hidden under a baggy sweatshirt.

“I’ll try,” I smirk.

He looks at me with sad eyes before whispering,

“Come here kid,” holding his arms open for me.

I sigh and plunge into a hug. Without my consent, a few tears fall on his fleece covered shoulder as he rubs my back and lets me cry a little.

Suddenly, I hear the dogs barking and watch over Mike’s should as another SUV pulls into the driveway. I watch curiously as a well-built man with a Reebok baseball cap covering his dark hair, steps out of the car. He greets the dogs briefly before, shoving his hands in his jean pockets and walks toward the house. He looks up to the porch and immediately stops. I pull away from the hug as I stare at him. Even from the distance, I find my eyes stuck to his hazel orbs. My eyes widen in shock as I try to read his stare. ‘Why was he here?’

“Sid,” I say, my voice quiet in shock. Never did I think I would see him again so soon.

He shakes his head and before I can stop him, he is back in his car, peeling out of the driveway.

I stand on the edge of the porch in shock. Mike comes over to stand next to me.

“Who was that?” he asks curiously, following my eyes to wear the car had disappeared.

“The baby’s father,” I say softly.

Sid’s POV

I was here; I had flown all this way to convince her to come back. I pulled up into a gravel driveway, with the address that matched the one that Beth had scribbled on a piece of paper. As my hands pass over the dogs in greeting, I feel my nervousness build. I shove my hands in my pockets. My eyes travel up to the porch as I’m about to let a long sigh, but instead I stop dead in my tracks. There she was, with some guy’s arms wrapped around her. Those brown eyes. They found mine, and shook me to the core as I continued to stare at her. I couldn’t believe it. When I had flown out to Utah, I hadn’t thought of the possibility that she had moved on. I figured she hadn’t, I mean if she had Beth would have told me. Unless Beth didn’t know either. Either way, she had apparently moved on and she was standing on a small cabin’s porch in another man’s arms. Not mine. I felt broken. I was too late.

I watch as her lips quietly form my name and it snaps me back to reality.

I shake my head, breaking our staring match and I quickly get into the rented car, slamming the door behind me. Before anyone can stop me, I’m back on the road and retracing my steps to the airport. It wasn't suppose to be this way, I thought of it like a movie, everything working out in the end. But life isn't a movie. There were no perfect endings.

How could I be so naïve? I should have known she would have moved on, that someone else would have snatched her up. I had lost her once and I had gotten a second chance. But now, a third was asking too much. She had moved on, she didn’t deserve me anyway. It seemed that it was always my fault that she was running away.

I missed her. I had been in denial about this whole thing. But I always knew that I was miserable without her. I felt like a part of me was missing. I missed the way she fit into me when I held her, her soft curves pressing into me. The way her fingers laced into the ends of my hair when I kissed her. I missed how her chocolate eyes, always shining with a smile and full of laughter. How when she did laugh, she didn’t try to hide it. She threw back her head, completely surrendering to the laughter, making it come out loud and clear. Its infectiousness making everyone else at least let out a chuckle.

I missed coming home from a road trip to her. How she looked in faded blue jeans and an old t-shirt. Her hair down and falling down her back untamed. How she would slide across the wood floor in her wool socks, before crashing into my arms with a laugh. How her lips tasted and how they smiled into mine. The smell of coconut in her chestnut hair, and the softness of it as I ran my hands through its length.

I missed the feel of her head pillowed on my shoulder, her hand resting on my chest, her leg entwined with mine as she slept. The way she moaned my name when my lips found that spot on her neck. How her back arched into me when I made love to her, and how her curves felt beneath my hands.

I missed her passion for her work, her unbreakable love for her dogs. The way she was both exhausted and happier than ever when she came home from work. I even missed her dogs and how if she wasn’t there, Maggie would snuggle up next to me for a nap. How I hadn’t needed an alarm clock when I was with her because Flash would always be on time.

I even missed the little things that no one else noticed. How she got that sparkle in her eye when she lay down a winning hand of poker. How she bites her lower lip and plays with her hair when she’s nervous. The way she looks the morning after a steamy night with her hair tousled. The way she looked in my jersey, and nothing else. The taste of coffee on her lips as she quickly kissed me before heading off to work. The way she always seemed to know what to say to me, win or lose.

Now she was someone else’s Caitlin. I had let her go and she had found someone else. As much as it hurt, I could let her go, if I knew that he loved her and that she was happy. She deserved to be loved by the man I could never be, a man with a normal work schedule and a normal life. The one that wouldn’t hurt and disappoint her like I did.

Maybe someday I would find someone who would give me at least a small margin of the happiness she game me. But I would never love again like I had loved her. She was the one. And I had let her go. She was the love of my life and I had fucked up. But if she was happy then I could deal with the constant ache in my chest.

Caitlin’s POV

Why had he come? Had he known about Bran? But how did he know? Hadn’t he hurt me enough? He had already said all he could say, but it didn’t change the fact that he had slept with another woman. And why had he left so abruptly? He knew that I saw him and he had come all the way to Utah, to what I could only assume was to see me. Why else would he have flown to Utah?

I sit back in the couch, next to Hawkeye and Maggie, trying to sort out all the questions in my brain. Mike had left shortly after Sid had, offering his spare room to me. I, of course, declined the gracious offer; I had to be alone for a little bit. My best friend was gone and suddenly Sid just pops back into my life, disappearing without even uttering a word.

What would have happened if he had stayed? Would he have confessed that he was just as miserable as I was? Would he take me in his arms when I confirmed that Bran was gone? Would he mutter comforting things in my hair as I cried into his strong shoulder? He would’ve found out about the baby; would he have been trilled or horrified? I didn’t think he knew I was pregnant; my swollen abdomen was hidden under my gray XL sweatshirt. Would I have allowed him back into my life? He had left me broken hearted numerous times, could I take that chance on him again? Would he hold me and kiss me, making me give into him? Of course I still loved him, but could I let him back in again? Especially being that my heart was still in pieces not only because of him but also because of my best friend’s recent death?

On such an occasion as this, I would be crying into a strong furry shoulder, but now Bran was gone. The tears were beginning to fall again, the house feeling empty without another person there. Finn comes over, putting his head in my lap sensing my distress. I cry as my hand passes over his white head.

I reach over Maggie, picking my phone off the nearby end table. Who would I call? I needed someone. For once in my life I could admit it, I blame it on the irregular hormonal imbalance. I push send on and four rings later I hear a deep voice.

“Caitlin?” he asks in surprise.

“Kris,” my voice cracking. It was much more weak and distress sounding that I had planned for it to be. “I… “

I had no idea where to even start, all I knew was I was broken and so sorry that I had just up and left all my friends in Pittsburgh. Kris was one of my best friends, and I hadn’t even said goodbye.

As I struggle to find the words, I hear him waiting and thinking patiently. As if he knows that I don’t know what to say, he speaks for me.

“I’ll be on the next flight to Utah.”